You can always tell a drunken Harvard student - you just can't tell him much

The Crimson reports record numbers of Harvard students are showing up at the university clinic dead drunk - the economy is to blame, of course - and that college officials are worried about an upcoming event that mixes "alcohol and fire," which they are thinking is not the best of ideas.

Meanwhile, Harvardians tired of spoiling their own nest (vomit is so hard to get out of those 500-thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets) can always go slumming at Tufts, which, as the paper informs its readers, is a school much like Harvard, only with fewer attractive people - but with more parties.

Rick Sawyer suggests really daring H-shirters try MIT next time.