He keeps a bottle of vodka under his bathroom sink

Denatured ethanol or isopropanol will serve just as well for all of these except #13, and is way, way cheaper.

I prefer to drink it until I can no longer smell things.

I had a fridge with a freezer unit having a drain that kept freezing up. It caused a small flood on the floor among other things. I wanted to pour hot liquid down to clear the blockage, but didn't want it to refreeze in the freezer. My solution: buy some cheapo Vodka, heat it up, pour it down the drain. Outside of the lingering 'eau de bum' smell it worked pretty well. Also try not to look too sketchy when you go to the liquor store and buy the cheapest and nastiest possible vodka they have.