Addiction Kills

I was dreaming of the past and my heart was beating fast – John Lennon...They say “ what happened in the past stays in the past” easier said than done.

Wreckage of the past. How do you put it behind you and move on in life? They say this disease will kill you. Whoever they are they speaketh the truth. At least that's what I'm told.

Some scars are so deep that just letting them go is impossible. Just like the addict I know who drained most of his 401k plan, every day that dude has to look in the mirror and realize how much he messed up. Messed up is the word I'm choosing I'm keeping this article G rated. In this modern day of computers, smart phones and so forth it's easier to withdraw from an account on line than the old days when you'd actually have to show up at an office or bank look someone in the eye and make a withdrawal. Nope this day an age just log on and withdraw. It's nobody's fault but the addict that couldn't say no or couldn't control his heroin habit, I understand that, but shouldn't somebody have been aware of what's going on, where were the red flags, where were the office staff after all the penalty for early withdrawal is something like thirty per cent. After numerous withdrawals somebody should have noticed. Now this opens up another can of worms, the fine from the IRS which has gone up some since this all started, this early withdrawal for the addict started in 2008 and at 12 per cent a week or day I'm not sure, but what I am sure of is the juice is higher than a loan sharks.

Addiction is really messed up, again I really want to use a word that really describes addiction. Like the F word but it's Sunday a couple weeks before Easter so I'm in a spiritual mood. I never thought or believed addiction was or is a disease, but after hearing some of the addicts share at the local Narcotics Anonymous meetings my mind is definitely made up that this addiction is clearly a disease. I've heard some really sad tales of whoa, like the woman with eighteen years clean decides to go out after work just for a few drinks, everything's cool at the start of her sociable drinking but as her sociable drinking continues, it becomes very unsociable and she starts smoking crack four years later she finds her way back to NA, which believe it or not she is one of the lucky ones, some don't make it back. Some end up at Frank Carr's. “It's very humbling after having all that clean time and have to rise up from your chair and reach your hand out for that white key chain” she said. Very Humbling. The white key chain stands for just coming back or having zero to twenty-nine days of clean time. It' sad but at least she's still breathing.

It's takes courage to put your tail between your legs and announce to anyone who listens how you “messed up”. Then there's the attention whores who just want to be seen going in and out of the DAT club. A person of interest says to me “Mudder I like being seen going in an out of the DAT Club”, I just shake my head to myself and think who gives a BLEEP who sees you going in an out of the club just as long as your going in an out for all the right reasons. He wants to be seen so some of the other Townies can say “ Oh look at so an so he's always going to the DAT club always reaching out helping someone”, when truth is he can't help himself. For people who don't know the DAT Club is or was the sober club in Charlestown it will be closing soon for lack of funds. DAT stands for Day At a Time. Just for the record I'm not telling any Townie secrets these examples are just examples of how serious addiction is and some of my examples are not Townie people or from Townie meetings, so before some knucklehead replies again about keeping the focus on me I say go sh*t in your hat. There now I feel better. I refuse to go to Townie meetings because of the mere fact that Sid Viscious and his girlfriend Nancy still think they are the king and queen of the Townie meetings, meanwhile their still on their high horse telling the world how great it is to be clean, but what they seem to forget or ignore is that probably half the audience was infected by Nancy. Hey I had to digress, but so what. I know the right thing to do would be to let it go and mind my own business but when I see one of her victims still struggling every day with the needle it's very hard to bury the hatchet unless it was somewhere I'd liketo bury it. Anyways addiction can be controlled ( that's what they say) by going to meetings, hanging with the winners. I suggest reading the literature, not looking to far ahead, just keep it in the moment or the day, and stay clear of friends that are active, misery loves company. I'm no expert but this is what I've heard.

It seems there's been a few serious relapses this last couple of weeks. This dude I know had twenty three years thought he was cured, found out the hard way. I asked him the question no addict wants to hear “what happened”, his response I stopped working the program, got a lot of material things over the last twenty odd years, and thought everything was fine which it wasn't. What he told me was you have to stay vigilante, this is a life long illness that will sit and wait for the opportune time to strike. “It doesn't matter if you have one day or fifty years” he said. It doesn't have to be bad news either when your disease will strike, it can be the happiest of times. The disease/addiction is very sneaky and very cunning and most of all very patient. It's a life long fight. That's the key if you want to stay alive keep fighting or as they say surrender and get off the dope, get treatment, besides what good could anything be if it's called dope. Keep the fight, stay strong and try and make it through the day without picking up. As they say in one of the Aerosmiths songs “Life's a journey not a destination”.

I'm curious I need some answers and I have a couple of questions. One how do you try and let go of the past? Two and probably the most important, is addiction a disease? So for the three people who might skim through my manifesto I would love some answers or as they say suggestions. Thank You all...Remember Easy Does it. Addiction kills if not in a pine box, it kills the simplest feelings.