Wicked Local Cambridge reports that a Windsor Street resident recently notified police that four times a week for the past 18 months, she's come out to find the driver's side of her car covered with "an unknown substance, possibly feces."
First, you run out of toilet paper, and start using the paper napkins. Then the napkins are gone, and you turn to the paper towels. Once they're finis, maybe you turn to the coffee filters. But once the coffee filters are done? Hmm…
"Death Before Toilet Paper Purchase" -- the motto of every straight male roomie I've had
most famously, "Throughout the centuries there were men who took first steps, down new roads, armed with nothing but their own vision. And believe you me, they didn't waste time on frivolous things like keeping toilet paper on the roll."
Also, "There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil. Also, the proper toilet paper roll orientation is underneath."
In this, as in everything else, she was dead wrong.
So the crazy crone had a toilet paper axe to grind as well.
And all those sophomoric yutzes who read her drivel when "the Hobbit" would have served them better, grew up to be cheapskate weasels about things like bumwad buying and/or Paul Ryan wannabe's.
My bet is on my neighbor who has a yelping dog and is frequently outside yelling in her horrible, loud voice about something at all hours of the day -- she doesn't seem to have a schedule. Sometimes her car, sometimes her furniture, sometimes her neighbor. Always something.
This has to be a false report. Even if there is a Handicapped Parking space in front of the residence, other people in this densely populated neighborhood would be jumping in this space. The reporting person is just trying to make other Cambridge drivers jealous by saying she has a year plus run of parking in front of her house.
lol, that's my neighborhood! I once found my car covered in flour (likely because I still have the parking permit from my old courthouse job) but I didn't call the cops.
Comments
clapclapclapclapclap
Well titled, sir!
She waited 18 months to
She waited 18 months to notify police? On the other hand, what could the police do to flush out the culprit?
Maybe she waited because...
She didn't want anyone unjustly smeared.
I'll bet it'll be a load of
I'll bet it'll be a load of her mind when all this business stops!
I'm late to the pun thread!?
Aw, poop.
Don't worry
You haven't been eliminated from the discussion.
I'm late too...
What a shitty ride
Maybe there were witnesses
Or, maybe, the police will find a stool pigeon?
Could be the person isn't
Could be the person isn't picking up after their dog, or somebody mad about dog poop is blaming the wrong person.
Or maybe...
First, you run out of toilet paper, and start using the paper napkins. Then the napkins are gone, and you turn to the paper towels. Once they're finis, maybe you turn to the coffee filters. But once the coffee filters are done? Hmm…
"Death Before Toilet Paper Purchase" -- the motto of every straight male roomie I've had
Yikes!
You must have had some serious knuckle dragger weasels.
I always preferred springing for the buck a roll costs over plunging a clog from wrong stuff.
But then I bet you had those twerp types who had mommy or someone else to man the plunger.
I've had my share of em two, on both coasts.
Mostly, they were cheap....
... and knew I would cave & buy some. But, yes, a few were just clueless.
Yeah but it's a pathological weasel cheapness.
And then they go on to be Paul Ryan or something.
I'm all for sane parsimonious but this its just pathetic.
Ayn Rand had a lot to say on this subject,
most famously, "Throughout the centuries there were men who took first steps, down new roads, armed with nothing but their own vision. And believe you me, they didn't waste time on frivolous things like keeping toilet paper on the roll."
Also, "There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil. Also, the proper toilet paper roll orientation is underneath."
In this, as in everything else, she was dead wrong.
Ayn Rind
"..was a terrible grind,
Oh a terrible grind was she,
She railed for our blood
As she dragged through the mud
Many things one would need to be free."
So the crazy crone had a toilet paper axe to grind as well.
And all those sophomoric yutzes who read her drivel when "the Hobbit" would have served them better, grew up to be cheapskate weasels about things like bumwad buying and/or Paul Ryan wannabe's.
Nice.
Cambridge? Enough said.
Cambridge? Enough said.
I wonder what ridiculous OCD nutbag that is.
There are several candidates. Windsor is about 7 blocks south of me.
We have the paranoid schizophrenic who has a night time janitor job at MIT and lives in a literal ruin next door to me.
Then there is a really damaged Elmer Fudd wanna be wino who has wandering rounds in that direction and often pauses to sit on my front steps.
My bet is on my neighbor who
My bet is on my neighbor who has a yelping dog and is frequently outside yelling in her horrible, loud voice about something at all hours of the day -- she doesn't seem to have a schedule. Sometimes her car, sometimes her furniture, sometimes her neighbor. Always something.
Now, now; don't dump all over
Now, now; don't dump all over Cambridge.
Why not?
Why not? Can't think of a better place to do it..
Maybe the phantom pooper
Maybe the phantom pooper transferred from Yale?
Human? Canine? Feline? Porcine? Murine? Sciurine? Passerine?...
... there are many possible sources; she really needs to be more specific.
Ursine
And the answer to an age-old question
It's only a matter of time before they show up.
So far, the nearest bear traces I've spotted were in Medfield.
They like to claw beech trees as a kind of height prowess demonstration.
First they came for the bear feces
...and I did not speak up, for I was not ursine.
Luxury
Compared to the dirt road that I grew up on:
http://www.bing.com/maps/?v=2&cp=42.263401~-71.161261&lvl=18&sty=x~lat~4...
Chil'ren!
.
Spoiled
You had trees?
Nothing but rocks for us, and lucky to get them.
I Pahked my Cah in another city because there's no pahking...
This has to be a false report. Even if there is a Handicapped Parking space in front of the residence, other people in this densely populated neighborhood would be jumping in this space. The reporting person is just trying to make other Cambridge drivers jealous by saying she has a year plus run of parking in front of her house.
There's a service for that
The Shity of Cambridge
must reach into the bowels of this neighborhood and wipe this property defecation crime out.
"On this throne I sit
Utterly broken-hearted
Came for poetry of shit
Only got crappy free verse."
lol, that's my neighborhood!
lol, that's my neighborhood! I once found my car covered in flour (likely because I still have the parking permit from my old courthouse job) but I didn't call the cops.
pics or it didn't happen.
seriously. what kind of unknown...what?
Probably a guy named
John Hopper the turd.
A belated bravo on this title
A belated bravo on this title heading...one of the best since I've been reading
300, er, deposits
Something odd is going on here. (I mean even besides the poo.) Complaining only after this has happened ~300 times??