This could only be one town

Guess which one: "A man reported that his children were being chased by turkeys on Sumner Road."

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    TURKEY LIBERATION FRONT

    Humans are always claiming what they do is "for the children". Their colonial oppression and avian apartheid of our ancestral homelands ergo is "for the children" and thus the children MUST BE PUNISHED!

    FOR FREEDOM!
    FOR THE RAFTER!
    WE ARE RIGHTEOUS!


    GOOOOOOBLE! GOOOOOOOOBLE! GOOOOOOOOOBLE!

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    Closer examination reveals ...

    Scientists now fear significant insect and animal issues as climate change continues. Decreasing freezing weather and the return of seaside marshlands are anticipated to permit the expansion of insect vectors of human disease such as dengue, yellow fever, and scurvy. Hibernating urban-dwelling animals such as bears, raccoon, coyote, and turkey will now likely exit their winter sleep earlier and, lacking their normal diet of wildflowers, honey and grubs, be obliged to forage after small children, household pets, and the elderly. This will likely lead to an increased popularity of more durable pet species such as constrictors and wolves. Increased selection pressure and exposure to other animals may likewise lead to rabies-influenza hybrid viruses - naturally, any turkey or waterfowl that presents with foam at the beak is best avoided.