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Strictly hypothetically, what would you do to this pickup?

Douchebag pickup at the Dedham Mall

Oh, sure, the owner of this pickup, spotted by Chris Ferry at the Dedham Mall, has an excellent reason for taking up three spaces today. Like he had to rush in to pick up some burritos at Chipotle or burgers at Five Guys before they got cold. We've all been there, right?

Ed. note: As somebody who frequents that particular Five Guys, yes, I am aware there's never a parking issue in that parking lot, but still, really, that's how the kids park these days?

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Comments

I would park my crappy civic behind him legally and get out and sit down and enjoy lunch somewhere. Note his license plate for when he bashes my windows and slashes my tires

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I'd park a police car behind it. Really close behind it. If I didn't have a police car, a whole bunch of shopping carts would have to do.

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Surely the shopping center has a big front-end loader they could park "nearby" until it's needed tomorrow.

Or decide that right now they need to relocate one of the mountains of snow at the corner of the lot....

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Since his truck is so dirty, I'd write "I'm an asshole" on his tailgate with my finger in the dirt.

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That's redundant. He already drives a pickup which he probably has no need for as far as utility goes.

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A real pickup....Its an Avalanche. Standard acoutremon for a mini weinair.

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FUCK THE POLICE might be a better representation of his feeelings.

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Let the mall deal with it? It's a private lot, so he's not even breaking any laws, and I'm not a petty jerk who goes around taking out my angst and anger on other people for committing petty little annoyances.

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Wow you went from 0-100 in a second ..

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I worked with a guy who'd park his truck dead in the middle of 4 spots to prevent anyone from parking next to him- of course his fly ride was about 10 years old by the end of his tenure there- I also think this run of weather has made people think things like lined lanes/ spaces, traffic signals, et al are merely suggestions for more temperate conditions

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There's always parking at that mall, and where that truck is in the lot is usually extremely wide open, it's almost a no mans land between Dicks, Chipotle, and the bank.

The better question is, why would anyone feel the need to do anything to the truck? You don't know the situation, or the reason, for parking that way, but that doesn't matter, it's not harming you, just go about your business.

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That appears to be pretty close to the mall, and it can fill up on Saturdays.

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This is incredibly obnoxious. On a day like today, this parking lot is full. The spots that weren't taken would definitely be in use. I hope the security that is always in the area, towed this truck.

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Leave a knife on his windshield with a note asking him to either slash his tires or his stomach for being such an asshole Parker.

Or wait till he comes out and stick a cellphone in his face telling him you take photos for www.assholeparkers.com

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Shopping carts around it. Trash in the bed.

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How to we know the truck hadn't pulled in that way preparing to jumpstart the mini-van or perhaps another vehicle outside the frame of the picture? We can't see into the truck nor can we see anything to the front left outside of the truck. I'm sure if it was a Prius with a "CoExist" bumper sticker, there wouldn't be such a rush to judgment. Really, really shameless.

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Maybe the driver was picking up some valentines day lunch burritos for the love of his life, and had a heart attack and died? Then we would all feel like assholes wouldn't we?

But this is the internet folks, let's just pretend he parked like an asshole so we can all fantasize about all the horrible things we could do to this person.

I feel better already!

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"There's always plenty of parking there!" Um, no. I'm at the Stop n Shop right now, and the snow banks have really cut down the available parking. My car is down by Dick's.

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Why do anything? The parking lot management will either tow him or they won't.

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And they wouldn't anyway.

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Where's the Allston Flamer when you need him (or her)?

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is a classic case of manspreading.

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How about beneath all nine feet of snow? All at once.

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Vaseline on the windshield wipers, banana in the tailpipe, and drop a deuce in the bed?

Or just remove the plates and let the Dedham police pull him over.

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