Dorchester's crack crime reporter

Most of the police-blotter columns in Boston's weeklies are pretty boring (dear GateHouse papers: Any chance you could add stuff like time and specific addresses to your items? Saying somebody got arrested for A&B on Washington Street in Roslindale is kinda useless, given that the street runs the entire length of the neighborhood, kthxbye). But the Dorchester Reporter's weekly column, written by Officer Mike Keaney of Area C-11, is anything but dry:

... Once the prisoner had stripped down to his socks, a visual inspection was made and secreted neatly between the suspect's vertically smiling derriere was a large plastic bag that contained 39 smaller plastic bags of a hard rock-like cocaine infused substance. I guess that's why they call it "crack." ...

Keaney then discusses the police-station debate as to who would remove said items for evidence.