The Onion reports:

Terry Francona Announces Josh Beckett Will Start Games 1, 4, 7, 2, 6, 3, 5

Also, the paper of record adds:

Chaos and destruction marred the opening of the World Series when Air Force B-52 bombers scheduled to make a ceremonial flight over the stadium before the start of Game 1 instead executed a series of low-level carpet-bombing runs and dropped an estimated 500 tons of incendiary and high-explosive munitions, utterly destroying Boston's historic Fenway Park. ...