Sometimes people just don't want any help
By adamg - Mon, 10/06/2008 - 11:50am.
And yelling at them won't make them suddenly need your help.
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I wasn't there, but I've
I wasn't there, but I've seen behavior matching that description that was niceness with a cultural mismatch.
The blogger had body language and verbal cues to work from, so I'm not actually disputing blogger's read of the situation.
Infectious Consideration
I wonder if this is another version of something that I've noticed a number of times before. I see a person who might need/want a seat and offer mine. Person declines. I go back to my paper, etc. amid a chorus of offers.
I somehow don't think it was simply a case of not having heard the person say no the first ... or second time.
Anybody else offered up a seat, been turned down, only to then have several other people suddenly offer their seats?
I get up out of my seat, say
I get up out of my seat, say "Ma'am?" (or "Sir?") while making the briefest eye contact and gesturing towards the seat as I'm already moving away down the car.
Ideally, they don't know I was sitting there, or they think I'm getting off the train now or at the next stop. This saves potential awkwardness for both of us.
It's also cultural for me. People give up seats all the time, so it's not a big deal, and I'd be embarrassed to have a big deal made out of it.
At the same time, I don't read too much into it if someone is much more vocal about giving up their seat. They might just naturally be boisterous, that might be the custom they were brought up in, or they might (rightly or not) be making a point to someone who did not offer their seat.
Oh, if there is an unseated teenager lurking or entering as I'm giving up my seat, I sometimes subtly block them from snapping up the seat before the older person has a shot at it. This was something learned from annoying experience. :)