Some people should not go on first dates in Eastie

By adamg - 10/23/08 - 10:54 am

Guys: If you don't like Mexican food or people who speak Spanish, you're going to strike out rather quickly with a woman who thinks both are part of East Boston's charm.

Comments

Blog dates

By liveinvt - 10/23/08 - 11:12 am

Another good rule of thumb is to never date a girl who has a blog.

Assuming the blog entry is accurate as far as the facts go, anyhow (since we don't have the guy's take on this), the guy seems to be an incredibly stuck-up and insensitive idiot. "I usually get what I want?" Gimme a break.

I've been on first dates

By neilv - 10/23/08 - 12:27 pm

I've been on first dates with a few women who I think would've swooned for an "I usually get what I want" from a "styling" guy. We mutually realize we don't have a match, usually in the first glance.

Perhaps this guy's game was thrown off when he realized this is a rare Boston woman who's averse to a Sox cap.

Though, most Boston women might claim in their personals ad to "love da Sox," just as they "like long walks on the beach," but they don't actually want to see a man in a ball cap and sandals.

Blame Sarah Jessica Parker and that TV show that ruined a million relationships.

...and it wasn't even a Red Sox hat

By fabulouslyoutthere - 10/23/08 - 2:15 pm

Seriously.

And yes, I don't swoon at Red Sox hats over dinner, but if the guy is a great guy, it's no big deal....

This was a Kentucky Something hat...I asked if he went to school there.

Nope. Just matched his shirt.

Okay then. :)

A non-Sox cap? Throw the

By neilv - 10/23/08 - 3:23 pm

A non-Sox cap? Throw the bum out!

Amen

By DarkSun - 10/23/08 - 2:37 pm

Still, I maintain that IMO such 'styling' guys are insensitive idiots. :)

@darksun

By fabulouslyoutthere - 10/23/08 - 2:44 pm

AMEN indeed.

I mean. Thanks for matching shirt and hat though....;)

misandry, le sigh

By Brett - 10/23/08 - 12:44 pm

I was with her right up to here:

PSS: I know the men will give me shit over this, but this was a restaurant that was cheap, cute, in my hood and he knew ahead of time and I asked him if he's ok with it and I told him it's a hole in the wall place where few speak English. Nuff said. Treat people like you want to be treated.

Er, no, I think I'll give her shit for thinking we'd automatically side with Mr. Slick because we have the same kind of chromosomes.

It's almost like he either a)discovered he wasn't attracted to her and didn't give a damn about being polite or a gentleman, or b)was on some sort of contest with his buddies to see how much he could piss off his date. He tipped his hat with the salsa: someone looking for a kiss isn't going to object to sharing salsa or trying each other's food, for obvious reasons.

...and you know what...

By fabulouslyoutthere - 10/23/08 - 2:17 pm

The salsa bit...this is SO interesting.

Because...while I wasn't interested in sharing a kiss with him, I didn't mind sharing the salsa.

So...now I am learning, that I might send a message of wanting a kiss, if I share the salsa bowl with a date.

Whoa....that's some good stuff. In all honesty.

no no

By Brett - 10/23/08 - 4:59 pm

So...now I am learning, that I might send a message of wanting a kiss, if I share the salsa bowl with a date.

Er...no :) Sharing salsa unless you're double-dippin' doesn't count. Also, this is one of those if-some-people-are-this-and-some-this are-that venn diagram thingamabobbers. People who are lookin' for some kissin' are (in my experience) not very squeamish about sharing food they've (for lack of easier terminology) gotten their cooties on, or having your fork in their souffle...because there's gonna be a lot more potential-germ-sharin' later on if everyone's interested. That does NOT mean that if they are sharing your food it's definitely gonna be Smooch City later.

If someone's squeamish or sets up a Entree DMZ, that's the other end of the scale- they're probably not thinking "ooo, it'd be sexy to swap saliva with this person-of-the-desirable-sex." Or...they're one of those really special snowflakes. Why would they worry about it if they wanted a kiss from you? Then again, maybe both I and my dates have been pretty practical and logical about it.

I once knew a date was very interested in me when I told her I was *just* getting over a cold and she a)was still very enthusiastic about meeting and b)wasn't shy about kissin'. I mean, seriously, that's desire/affection when you don't care that you might get sick from the person.

Let's say a ladyfriend (or in your case, gentlemanfriend) spends the night. Do you offer to let them use your toothbrush? Why not? You've BOTH already shared everything there that's gonna get shared :) I suppose someone will get technical and say, "well, your gums could bleed and (insert hideous bloodborne disease or STD)", but they're a parade-raining infectious disease expert, BOO!

UHub: THE place for dating advice!

parade-raining on the practice of sharing toothbrushes

By neilv - 10/23/08 - 8:03 pm

Just say NO to toothbrush sharing.

Besides transmitting blood-borne pathogens, toothbrushes can harbor various other nasties accumulated over time.

The following joke attempt does not go over well the morning after:

"By the way, I hope you don't mind that I used your toothbrush..."

"Oh my God! You didn't!"

"Just kidding! Of course not. I used my finger."

We dont know all the details

By ShadyMilkMan - 10/23/08 - 1:04 pm

We dont know all the details here but I can see a few possible chances to side with guy X

We dont know what her salsa eating habits are, even if your looking to kiss someone if they are not hygenic with their salsa bowl there could be a problem.

Its possible he could have thought that surely someone would speak English in the resturaunt. I am very familiar with that area and youd be amazed at how many people speak english even though people always warn us that "nobody" speaks english.

It sounds like he didnt fully understand what real mexican food is.

Some online sites recomend that you meet the first date at a coffee shop or someplace similar if the match is made online. This gives people an equal footing and a chance for a quick escape is things collapse. This guy was obviously out of place and while he definitly doesnt sound like your guy, things may have went much smoother if the meeting took place somewhere where he understood the wait staff and recognized the food.

she warned him

By Brett - 10/23/08 - 1:12 pm

I think her post said that she warned him ahead of time that few people in the place would speak English, etc.

It's clear he was rude. The question is: why?

I know all the details

By liveinvt - 10/23/08 - 1:14 pm

He smelled her farts. It's so obvious.

Do you mean

By Gareth - 10/23/08 - 1:15 pm

She might have been a...

double dipper?

silly

By Brett - 10/23/08 - 2:01 pm

...if you're interested in someone and hoping to smooch, being bothered about double dippin' is pretty silly.

It's also generally been my experience in date situations that when a woman offers to share food in a "non-sanitary" way (sharing a salsa bowl = nope, "would you like to try some of my pasta which I have been scrambling around all evening" = mmm hmm), she's Interested.

Hmmmm...

By fabulouslyoutthere - 10/23/08 - 2:13 pm

I never thought about the hygiene issue.
Excellent point. Not that I think I have bad hygiene, however,one never knows how others perceive you.

And why he did this? I don't think he meant to. I think he was really comfortable. We had a great phone conversation prior and I think he was just being himself and I think that's the best way to figure out if you like someone.

We had a neat phone conversation but were really oil and water in person...nevertheless, I offered to pay half the check (just saying), he walked me even home (nice) and said he'd like to do this again....which, uhm, I declined the next day. I think that night I didn't say anything, just scooted in the apartment quickly.

I have a difficult time with this behavior...I just do...He wanted to do dinner (I was ok with drinks or coffee), he asked me to pick (I told him about the place), but the bottom line is that, even if you don't like the place, the date, the hygiene, the food.....don't be condescending to the waitress who, in this case, spoke almost no English. It doesn't matter if you hate my guts, that's dating...one never knows. But be nice to the people around you.

Oh come on

By Gareth - 10/23/08 - 2:47 pm

You mean you don't find it endearing when someone embarasses you in your local?

It didn't encourage you to bring him home to meet your family?

Heh heh

At least next time you go there you can chat with the waitress about what a pendejo he was.

Thanks

By fabulouslyoutthere - 10/23/08 - 2:53 pm

Not endearing indeed.

Must have looked funny though. I was biting, very unsanitary, in my salsa-ladden tortilla chip when he said "I hate this place"....*COUGH*

Point taken... lol I always

By ShadyMilkMan - 10/23/08 - 4:17 pm

Point taken... lol

I always base who I do business and who I hang out with based off of how they treat the "help". For starters its just rude to treat a person like crap and second it shows you how they will treat you if it ever turns out that your not intricate to their plans in the future. I come from a blue collar background and know that secretaries, waiters, and cleaning people sometimes have more influence on other people you come into contact that you may realize.

As for the salsa issue Im not saying you are unsanitary in particular, just that some people have food issues as it relates to sharing with other people. Im not much of a dip person just because the thought of someone double dipping is a little too much for me to take, even if I did want to get it on with them later on in the evening lol.

BTW I enjoy your blog, its quite entertaining.

I hate that litmus test

By Brett - 10/23/08 - 5:27 pm

I come from a blue collar background and know that secretaries, waiters, and cleaning people sometimes have more influence on other people you come into contact that you may realize.

Bullshit. I've seen plenty of people who are condescendingly polite because they know it's expected or will reflect favorably upon them, not because it's who they are. It doesn't impress me.

I think everyone would have a lot more fun dating if they learned to stop applying "rules" and "tests" to their dates, because the other half will just realize what's going on and try to game the "rules" and "tests". Way to strip the possibility of romance out.

Put down the dating books, stop analyzing dates with your friends (who are subconsciously trying to protect their status with you, or trying to be a "good friend" by convincing you that person's no good for you), remove Sex and the City from your Netflix list, and just enjoy yourselves!

Im sorry, I dont care if

By ShadyMilkMan - 10/23/08 - 9:52 pm

Im sorry, I dont care if someone is faking it if they are nice to the wait staff that means they are at least trying. If someone is a jerk to the waiter/waitress for no reason it shows a complete lack of empathy at worse, and a complete inability to comprehend that it makes them look like a jerkwad at best.

Thats not from a dating book and its not a litmus test, its human nature for some of us. People are people wheter they bring you food, pick up your garbage or if they are your friend. If your not going to be nice to PEOPLE then I want nothing to do with you. That goes for friends too, I stopped hanging out with a guy because he gave our waitress a hard time over every little thing (that was after he showed up late to dinner because he was involved in a VIDEO GAME and the waitress had been one of the best Ive ever seen, down to the fact that she gave us great recomendations on appetizers and gave us free candy while we waited for this guy to show up) I just cant deal with that sort of rudeness from people.

I for one try to be nice to everyone. I have an especially great office friendship with the guy who picks up our garbage and what not. Its funny how a little civility every day makes. When I have alot of stuff that needs to be gotten rid of its gone by end of business, even though it is supposed to only happen weekly (he has multiple buildings he deals with, when my coworker has the same stuff she has to wait until the end of the week.) Apparently he appreciates it when I say hi to him every day and engage in small talk (and inquire about his kids, and know he just had arm surgery ect) People , they are all PEOPLE.

Amen Shady

By DarkSun - 10/23/08 - 10:27 pm

Courtesy counts, as the MBTA is attempting to remind us.

Argh

By fabulouslyoutthere - 10/24/08 - 9:00 am

I have yet to meet a girl who reads a "dating" book...and analyzing something like this isn't worth my time. :)

Women will be women. We don't need a movie to influence how we live our lives....I always think men are so uncomfortable with Sex and the City because they go "SHIT, girls talk about that crap?" :) Yes we DOOOO.

I have always lived my life and dating life after my own beat.

Rules is a VERY American thing. The "GAME" is also a VERY American thing. Dating in my home country goes a bit differently.

S&TS

By liveinvt - 10/24/08 - 9:45 am

I'm not uncomfortable with S&TS. I just dislike it because it's so superficially boring. It's a collection of interest and focus on the most absurd things in life, and the absurdity of pursuing them.

I watch TV for entertainment and education. S&TS provide neither, as the educational lesson of the show is immediate, brief and inconsequential.

Well

By fabulouslyoutthere - 10/24/08 - 10:09 am

It's certainly not a show I would watch for "Education" , that's for damn sure.

I was thoroughly entertained, but that's completely subjective. These days I do love me some "Deadliest Catch" for entertainment purposes. :)

Deadliest Catch?

By adamg - 10/24/08 - 10:12 am

What? No "Ice Road Truckers" for you?

ICE ROAD TRUCKERS

By fabulouslyoutthere - 10/24/08 - 10:23 am

OH
MY
GOD.

That sounds like the PERFECT Saturday night!!!! Dates...fuck that!!!!

;) Seriously. I will watch a "Ice Road Trucker" marathon any day...my friends joke that you can't get my butt off the sofa when there is a Deadliest Catch marathon.

Well

By liveinvt - 10/24/08 - 10:53 am

The interesting corollary, though, is when "guys" watch S&TS and say things like "girls actually talk about this?" to which you replied "ofc!" ... this smells like some aspect of "education" to me. Although not in the "Nova" sense.

Sorry I can't chime in on the Deadliest Catch or Ice Truckers ... I don't have the luxury of watching much TV these days between work and school.

:)

By fabulouslyoutthere - 10/24/08 - 11:42 am

I do think there might be an educational component in there for men...if they care to admit. I have met one or two who found the show eye-opening when it comes to friendships among females.

Not for me. I always knew single girls are, uhm, like that ;)

I would sure hope that all

By ShadyMilkMan - 10/25/08 - 8:41 am

I would sure hope that all girls were not exactly like those girls. I think what alot of guys miss on that show is its funny because it takes something they may relate with (or loath depending on the girl) and blows it up in the same way that Seinfeld takes single life among friends and builds on it.

Ive only seen a few episodes but some fans of the show I know who also saw the movie said they hated the movie because it took the underlying themes present in the show, removed them and replaced them with expensive stuff, and focused to the expensive stuff more then the original show ever did.

Yes

By fabulouslyoutthere - 10/24/08 - 8:58 am

I kinda figured that didn't apply to all ;) Everyone does their own thing...It's all good.