Hey, there! Log in / Register
One of the perils of online dating
By adamg on Thu, 02/26/2009 - 8:46am
Karin belongs to a dating site that lets you see who's looking at your profile. Guy keeps checking hers out so she finally writes him and asks what's up. He replies he's interested in her but didn't want to end up on her blog. Which, of course, she blogs about.
Topics:
Ad:
Support Universal Hub
Help keep Universal Hub going. If you like what we're up to and want to help out, please consider a (completely non-deductible) contribution.
Comments
And then aggregated...
Ha, the last line of her post is about how unless she gets picked up on boston.com, then the guy's online profile has more hits from the dating website than her lil' ol' blog entry...and then her blog was U-Hubbed. Haha..
she's a keeper
Reading her links about "the spy"...So she won't post her full name or a link to her dating profiles, but she thinks it's okay to post the full emails she's exchanged?
I don't get it. She writes HIM; he says he doesn't want to end up on her blog which is why he didn't actually write her.
He rejected her, and she keeps hammering at it...and then runs to a friend to be patted on the head and told "there there, men are jerks."
How did we get to this point where anyone, male or female, thinks they have a right to demand to post about an ongoing relationship with another human being...to the entire world? Isn't this the purview of "girl talk" with your "BFF"?
Maybe the reason guys keep objecting is because blogging about your dating life is catty, narcissistic, and gossipy, not particularly attractive qualities?
She didn't post the guy's name
Or enough details that most people could actually identify him.
As a blogger I think it
As a blogger I think it would be nice if she refrained from blogging when people ask her to refrain from blogging. The gentleman in question obviously was interested in her otherwise but was intimidated by the blogging, and that could explain the multiple views to her profile (should I get involved with a woman who would not only get emotional and complain about me to her friends but would also tell all of Boston about me as well?)
She obviously proved him right, good for her. Advise to the wise, dont blog about your dates.
Meh
I think you're right except for your last statement of advice. It doesn't really follow. She wants to blog about her dates, so she should. Eventually, she'll find a guy who doesn't care or may even enjoy that she does. If it works out for her and that person, more power to them. This particular guy obviously wasn't that one.
Yet, I still agree with your first point which is that if someone says "I didn't contact you because I don't want to show up on your blog" and then you put him on your blog anyways...that's just not cool. It comes across almost vindictive. The problem there is that even if someone you meet doesn't care if you blog *their* date, they still might not want to date someone who's demonstrated a vindictiveness (names or no names, Adam, it's pretty indicative).
The problem there is that
I guess I could have been pushing it by saying "dont blog at all about the dates." I think your point is more apt, that she does seem vindictive. I guess my advice centered on the type of person that would blog about dates on a regular basis, and center their blog around it. Its scary enough dealing with a woman you dont know (and dont know what will set her off) , but dealing with a woman who doesnt think twice about posting the info on her blog for the world to see is a different story.
There should be a sort of
There should be a sort of statute of limitations or cooling-off period. 10 years, if it's an unfavorable story of the date but very funny. 2 years, if it's favorable (e.g., s/he did something really sweet), but nothing very intimate. Never, otherwise. And always anonymized.
MY WIFE...
... doesn't like her real name mentioned in my blog, and we've been married for 17 years. Of course, it might just be my blog. For all I know, her name is being tossed about with reckless abandon elsewhere and she doesn't give a damn.
Suldog
http://jimsuldog.blogspot.com
Isn't it better that she
Isn't it better that she turns off guys who wouldn't want to date her though? That way she can actually wind up with someone who will appreciate her for who she is, rather than someone who uses sexist code words like "catty".
the guys name
its the I HATE JESUS GUY. he's pretty low profile and really doesnt want to be blogged.
badabing
Protip: search for 35 year old women on OKCupid with "blog" in their profile. You'll (very amusingly) only get one result.
Online or blog dating: Also risky for other reasons:
First of all, one never really knows who they're dealing with online, or on a blog, because he or she is a total stranger, and who knows what this person may do with any information that the one being wooed gives out.
Secondly, as this story indicates, the heartaches can be tremendous, especially when one doesn't know who they're dealing with.
Thirdly, in the event that a person meets a person that s/he is dating online, the person may not turn out to be as benign as they made themselves out to be online in the first place.
Next, in the event that one does decide to go and meet their online or blog date in person, it's wisest to have a friend or family member as accompaniment, for emotional and moral support, and for back-up in case this encounter goes wrong.
At one point, I was corresponding with a guy via email and online, on a regular basis, who I'd never met in person, nor did I know what he did in real life. At one point, he suggested that we meet in person someplace in Albany, NY, which was halfway between the different places where we were both from: I from this area, he from upstate NY. Since I didn't know Albany, NY at all, I declined. I casually informed him that I was driving out to the midwest to visit some relatives for awhile, just in passing, via email. The guy then emailed back a suggestion that I stop over at his house and sleep there for one night; something that I also firmly declined. No way was I going to stop off and sleep over at the house of someone that I didn't really know, and had never even set eyes on before! Not withstanding that his emails began getting more suggestive, so to speak, it was clear what he was really interested in. No thanks!
So, in conclusion
Lock yourself in a room and never come out.
One can never be too careful.
You're taking what I said way out of context, Adam.
It's not locking oneself in a room and never coming out when someone decides to be more conservative and cautious. Nowadays, especially, one can never be too careful. Also, Adam, there have been instances where unscrupulous people have posed online as somebody that they're not, which have had some rather disastrous results.
There's always webcams!
;-)
On a different note, my brother has serious social issue handicaps, but writes well.
He met his wife-to-be on the internet - she is a somewhat shy, formerly abused wife and mother of four living in a small town over 1,000 miles from him. They navigated a number of comfort zones to get together and be together over the last decade. They are getting married in May.
This can be done.
Lucky him.
Glad your brother did well, SwirlyGrrl. More power and good luck to him and his future bride.
When you meet someone in a
When you meet someone in a bar its the same thing, who the hell is this person! At the very least if you go through a site and something happens they have the persons credit card number and know who they are (Im sure eharmony et all would cave if asked for info in relation to an assault case.) I have met a few people from online dating sites (none of them worked out, but they were all lovely ladies) after talking with them online for a week or so. The meetings happened in very public areas, during daylight hours. Compare that to your normal bar experience where its night, the girl has had a few drinks, the guy is buzzed, your walking down cold wind swept streets and the online dating safety level goes way up in comparison. Its all about being careful, as a guy I try not to put the girl in an uncomfortable situation and of course I would advise girls to be careful in who they meet and where (tell someone where your going, bring your cell phone, don't stay over their house and sleep on their couch lol, all the simple things.)
But, ShadyMilkMan,
Do you have any idea of how much identity theft or worse goes on as a result of some perfect stranger(s) obtaining someone's credit card info? A lot.
However, this:
is something that we can both agree on.
Im not saying they give the
Im not saying they give the cards out to anyone, Im saying they would most likely hand over the info if someone went on a date and was assaulted and they were presented with a warrant so the info could be obtained by the police.
What does one want to go showing their credit card for?
That's ridiculous, imho.
Advance notice, please
I have met women who feel that way. I just wish they wouldn't seem strong and independent in email beforehand, so that we could avoid the disappointing first coffee date altogether. :)
Oh.
Snap.
Or...not?
I met my spouse in an AOL music chatroom in 1999.
Should I start sending itinerereraries to people just in case she ends up not being who I thought?
HEY INTERNET. I'M IN THE DEN RIGHT NOW USING THE PUTER. MOLLY IS IN THE KITCHEN FOLDING LAUNDRY. IF YOU DON'T HEAR FROM ME AGAIN, CALL THE POLICE AND TELL THEM THAT LAST YOU HEARD, I WAS IN SOME APARTMENT WITH SOME CHICK FROM THE INTERNET.
Some people who meet their spouses, etc., on the internet
While some encounters between people that start on the internet have some wonderful results, some encounters are also disastrous. What's so wrong about pointing that out? Glad to hear you got lucky that way. Not every encounter that starts on the internet turns out well. Just sayin'.
Some people who meet their spouses, etc., in the real world
While some encounters between people that start in the real world have some wonderful results, some encounters are also disastrous. What's so wrong about pointing that out? Glad to hear you got lucky that way. Not every encounter that starts in the real world turns out well. Just sayin'.
Life is full of risks. Even just burying your head under a pillow carries the risk of suffocation.
Sure, sure sure!!
LOL!
Thats like the South Park
Thats like the South Park episode where they homeless invade South Park. The boys go to the next town over to look for clues and encounter a man who killed his wife after he found out she was "homeless" (because she had been homeless once) after they were married for 20 years living in their home.
At some point people stop being strangers lol, its just a matter of where the line is. Im impressed you were able to pull off internet dating, on aol to boot, before it became a multimillion dollar industry.
Really, folks...
what the hell is wrong with being a bit more cautious, either on or offline, while meeting people? This isn't the late 1960's or early 1970's anymore, people. The world isn't what it was 35-40 some odd -years ago. It's what it is right now, and, if anything, it's gotten worse rather than better.
What's so wrong with my having declined an invitation to sleep at the house of some guy that I really don't know at all, or an invitation to sleep over at the house of some guy that i'd just met at a party in real life and didn't know at all? To say that refusing to take stupid chances is being cowardly is ridiculous.
So, I'm more conservative than many, if not most people here on UniversalHub. So what?
But you're missing such a party
Yeah, the rest of us here are crazy swingers, swapping keys faster than you can blink.
Um, what?
Your proving our point...
Your proving our point... You wouldnt sleep with the man online, and you wouldnt sleep with the man in the bar. Its the same thing, you wouldnt sleep with either one of them after meeting them once. Your also taking the same risks by talking to both of them. They are both just as risky.
I think you're proving MY point, ShadyMilkMan.
Talking and/or dancing with people isn't the same as going home or sleeping with someone. Going and sleeping with someone who one may never, ever see again is playing Russian Roulette, imho.
Meeting someone you met
Meeting someone you met online is not the same thing as sleeping with them. Its meeting them. Maybe its a difference in definitions that we have? The discussion weve been having has pertained to meeting someone online then meeting them in real life. Not meeting someone online then shacking up with them in the back of a Chevy.
Fair enough, ShadyMilkman.
However, just simply meeting somebody once is not sufficient enough to find out what they're really and truly like, even in real life. It generally takes much more time than that to really get to know a person. Even in real life, I wouldn't shack up with somebody in their house or whatever after meeting them only once or twice, but that's me.
By the same token, however, there are guys that i've known for a long time who're not nice guys. They're clearly interested in a one-night stand, in which they can exploit a woman that they don't care about as a human being for momentary pleasure, and then toss her aside, like trash. That, too, is a situation that I do not wish to be in.