Today, I needed to make an emergency visit to Toys R Us in Dedham. I took Washington Street south. When I got past the West Roxbury Parkway, I noticed one of those spiffy new Evacuation Route signs. Hmm, I could try out the city's new evacuation plan, which basically calls for people of my ilk (i.e., Roslindalians) to drive south on Washington Street until we get to the Dedham line where, um, well, the city plan doesn's say what we do there, but presumably something good happens.
Another Evacuation Route sign greeted me at LaGrange, letting me know I was on the right track. Then, no signs for quite awhile, until just after Grove Street. Guess I'm still heading to safety in advance of the Killer Tsunami, or the aerosolized ebola or the nine-foot-high dreadlocked aliens with the eerie visage of John Travolta.
But uh, oh, here I am at the Dedham line (just past West Roxbury's last Dunkin' Donuts - bet they'd do a landmine business on Disaster Day). Now what? Had this been an actual emergency, of course, Dedham police would be stationed right there to help speed us on our way before the flood waters hit, because we're all in this together and they would never do something like shoot over our heads to force us back into Boston.
So with a wave to the imaginary Dedham cops, I continue south on Washington. I see a sign up ahead: Dedham and Providence use rotary; Boston turn right. I assume I'd head south, since what's the point of heading back into the now decimated city?
And then I have to slam on the brakes. Because there's a traffic jam congealed around the intersection of Washington Street and the VFW Parkway/Rte. 1. As there always is. The VFW Parkway is also a designated evacuation route, and how handy, the two-lane VFW Parkway merges with the two-lane Washington Street to create the two-lane Rte. 1. It takes me five minutes to get from the Dedham Mall turnoff to the "rotary" where they merge - a distance of a couple hundred yards, perhaps.
At this point, in real life, I head north, toward the toy store. But had I turned south, toward safety, I'd eventually come to my next decision point: the intersection with 128. Do I take 128 north or south? Why, south, of course, to head away from the city! So I get on the highway. Only, at that point, 128 South actually heads north, back toward the city. So I am overwhelmed by the tsunami and am never heard from again.