Kristen: If you're the person who just flat out released Ortiz from the Twins, do you cry yourself to sleep every night?

After last night's game, Denton reports the same feelings he suffered through last year:

... Remember the queasy, burning sensation in the pit of your stomach that got worse depending on the scheduled starter for the night? The dull ache behind one or both eyes that you swore was a brain tumor, but the pain mysteriously disappeared on the morning following a win? The inability to sleep despite walking around like a zombie all day? The almost-impossible-to-suppress urge to slap the face of anyone wearing a non-Red-Sox shirt or cap? And the crackwhore-like desperate cravings whenever there was an off day? Yeah, all of that is back.

Denton: Edgah!

Slowly, quietly, Edgar Renteria has been showing signs of becoming the player Theo and RSN expected when he put on a Red Sox uniform. Last night, or early this morning, he made his statement loud and clear by driving in the game-winning runs in the eighth inning. ...

Firestarter: Okay, panic:

... The pinstripes of which I speak may still be in 4th place of the AL east, but it's a pretty unstable 4th place. Meaning, the stripies now have a 21-19 record; the T-Jays are only slightly above that with 21-18, and yes, our WC Sox have a smashing 23-16 record. You don't need to be a genius to figure out what's happening here: big G obviously replaced his team with their robotic doubles. ...

Girlie was getting a bit disenchanted with the publicity whoring Johnny Damon, but news that he wants to retire with the Sox instead of going over to the Empire might bring her back:

... I'm a skeptical girl. I'll believe it - that you won't join the Dark Side - when I see it. But I feel a little better about wearing my #18 shirt for your having said it.

Domenico explains why - it involves a poster showing him as Jesus at the Last Supper.

Yeah, yeah, it's just the first game of a 162-game season, but oof!

Michael deals by composing haikus:

Yanks got their fourth win
Finally beat the Red Sox
But six months too late

Red notes: The Matt Clement Cy Young campaign begins Tuesday afternoon.

Jeff analyzes all the ways the Sox newcomers sucked last night, but adds:

The old row is that you will win 54 games, lose 54 games, and what you do with the other 54 determines the success of the season. This is just one game in the Loss column. ...

Peter: Can John Kerry please wake up his favorite player "Manny Ortiz" (combined 1-8, 4K, 2B) and tell him that Spring Training is over?

Don't read Soxaholix if you'd be offended by comparisons to Pope John Paul II and Terry Schiavo

Carpundit is disgusted that Johnny Damon dished on his breakup with his first wife in his new book:

... I have been married twice, so I know how hard marriage and divorce can be. And I know how bitter the feelings can be on both sides. But a father - no, a man - keeps his mouth shut about his ex-wife, the mother of his children, unless he is complimenting her for her mothering. A man doesn't impugn his ex-wife's character as a woman, as a wife, as a homemaker, as a professional. If he has negative thoughts, he shuts the hell up. Johnny Damon failed that test of inner character.

Johnny Damon is a weak man, not worthy of our respect.