Back to Canada?

Red goes into a tailspin of despair upon learning that Hazel Mae is getting married - and to somebody trying out for the Blue Jays, no less:

... I don't want to sound bitter. But I am. So go ahead. Yummy down on your non-roster guy. Nice work, there. We're all very proud of you. But those calls and letters and photos and boxes of candy and marriage proposals and wood carvings of you and I, hand in hand, running through the grass of Lars Andersen Park in Brookline that I've been bombarding you with for the past three years? They're done, babe. It's all gone, Pete Tong. ...

Red readily admits he couldn't tell a right wing from a Buffalo wing, but adds he has a couple of great reasons to never miss The Buzz on NESN.

Because I'm thinking she didn't do it herself.

Be sticking around Boston, that is. David Scott has the scoop on Mae's contract extension with NESN, which he credits in part to her "evocative wardrobe," if you know what he means.

On Surviving Grady, Red explains why interleague play is killing him:

... Because every time I see a ground ball hit toward Ortiz at first, I keep visualizing that giant body lurching awkwardly, spinning magnificently, and then dropping to the ground like a collapsed building. One pulled muscle could make this the longest summer ever. ...

He also wishes Hazel Mae would stop with the annoying hand wave thing already.