That's what Karl already is after watching Sox games - or to be exact, 60 bazillion Bob's commercials and enough Sullivan Tire commercials to last him a lifetime:

... This season's Sullivan Tire meatpuppet is Sox second baseman Dustin Pedroia, and he somehow manages to make Francona look like Daniel Day-Lewis. Pedrioa displays the onscreen charisma of a cinderblock as he stares down his cue card. ...

Yes, of course there's an entertaining blog whose sole purpose is to slice up the contestants on Sox Appeal.

Via Paul Flannery, who is, apparently, writing a multi-part series on the question of whether Drew Barrymore is the anti-Christ for having appeared in that Jimmy Fallon movie.

Dale Arnold: My side of the story:

... I feel that the advantage of having one of two Bruins' announcers also serve as a talkshow host on the highest rated sportsradio station in America outweighs the perceived advantage of a single play-by-play announcer. NESN disagrees. ...

Yes a shame has occurred, something that questions the esteemed academic abilities this city is self known for. In this place, with forty plus colleges and universities. where engineers and architects out number artists and musicians, depending on the street corner. A city full of educators, including ignoble and noble prize winners, where the only sport enjoyed more than the long running soap opera of the Red Sox, is throwing things at other people.

Could not some one come forward to teach Don Orsillo how to craft and pilot a paper airplane?

Red goes into a tailspin of despair upon learning that Hazel Mae is getting married - and to somebody trying out for the Blue Jays, no less:

... I don't want to sound bitter. But I am. So go ahead. Yummy down on your non-roster guy. Nice work, there. We're all very proud of you. But those calls and letters and photos and boxes of candy and marriage proposals and wood carvings of you and I, hand in hand, running through the grass of Lars Andersen Park in Brookline that I've been bombarding you with for the past three years? They're done, babe. It's all gone, Pete Tong. ...

David Scott reports that NESN is restricting what local TV stations can do with video from Sox and Bruins games (in particular, games still in progress) - and could be getting ready to crack down (even more) on people who upload NESN highlights to YouTube:

... Babbling Bob Lobel might have to revert to drawing Dice-K stick figures on a White Board to depict a highlight and Who's Better Than Butchy Stearns will need to steal the FOX Sports Animation Robots to recreate the action. ...

David Scott has the scoop.

It'll just confuse the customers, Dave Copeland reports:

... [I]t was just as "Boston Red Sox, 2003 American League Champions" was being flashed across the bottom of the screen. The team was celebrating on the field and shots of teary-eyed Yankee fans were mixed into the reel. Needless to say, it caused quite a bit of confusion in the bar, with the belligerent guy who was plainly into his fifth or sixth Mai Tai spitting "That shit ain't right....this is some sort of mistake." ...

The whole "what if" concept gets Dan Tobin pondering everything from the 2000 election to whether God really cares about us:

NESN likely didn't realize they were raising the issues of whether there's such a thing as fate or a grand plan for the universe. They just wanted to show Embree getting the last two outs of the 8th and Timlin getting Jeter to ground to third to nail down the 5-3 victory. Now you don't have to watch it ...

NESN tonight starts that "What If" series, in which the network will use fancy computer simulations to answer such questions as "What if Grady Little had taken Pedro Martinez out in game 7 of the 2003 ALCS?"

Yeah, yeah, fine, but on Surviving Grady (one guess why it's called that), Red ponders true Red-Sox what-if scenarios for NESN to explore:

... [H]ow 'bout "What if Dave Roberts was thrown out at second" or "What if Tony Clark's hit wasn't a ground rule double" or "What if someone in the Sox front office decided Mike Piazza was a better investment than David Ortiz." ...

Jose Melendez ponders some alternate scenarios as well:

... What if John McNamara had used Iron Man as a defensive substitution at first in Game 6? ...

Because I'm thinking she didn't do it herself.