Work

Verbal reports yet another guy urinating in or near the lobby of his office building:

... When we called the building manager he said "It gets worse in the winter, too."

When La Diabla told her supervisors she'd be late for work today because she had a doctor's appointment, they didn't tell anybody. So co-workers started worrying and called her sister, who went to her apartment and found her not there and then concluded the worst and so called the police:

... I'm in the middle of a freaking cholesterol test and the po-po are on their way TO MY HOUSE. I have to tell you, it's a good thing that the MD took my blood pressure before all this happened, because it's fucking sky-high right now. ...

Jon Milkman takes the honors for today's best essay on how much one's co-workers truly suck:

... it took me all of five minutes back at the office from vacation to realize how much i can't stand being exposed to some of the most base and irredeemible garbage humanity has to offer. ...

Yup takes the honors for today's best essay on how much people at one's gym truly suck, at least, the ones after work (maybe the people at her gym work with Jon?):

... I was on an elliptical machine, which is very popular with twats these days. I was on one of the machines on the end and had about 3 minutes left of my workout left, when an aforementioned twat walked up to me and asked 'How much time do you have left?' which is rare at my gym but perfectly normal. 'Three more minutes.' and she said okay and then stood there, waiting. Not only standing there, but she didn't take her eyes off me. It was pretty creepy, but whatever. So I get off the machine and leave my towel there and start walking over to get the cleaner. 'What are you doing?' She shoots off in a nasty tone. 'I'm just going to clean it off for you.' She rolled her eyes. SHE ROLLED HER EYES. ...

With Hellas Video now gone (sniff), Pet Cabaret has started the work of turning the old Washington Street video store into a state-of-the-art pet-supply and dog-wash facility. First step: removing the carpet:

... You cannot believe how difficult it has been to rip up this carpet. There is SO much glue down that we are actually ripping the carpet off of its backing. It's truly incredible how hard a job this has been. Our friends Leslie and Erik have been valiantly helping us out but I feel total guilt at subjecting them to such crazy work.

We have been having a good time doing it though, what a great way to release rage.

The good stuff, not those icky fakey-pineapple flavored Dum Dum suckers:

I'm all about the chocolate, the caramel, and the Smarties.

Meanwhile, I just got this e-mail:

There are lot's of treats for goblin' all day in the Spooki Tiki Lounge and Resorts. Unhappy hour starts at 3:30! There'll be drinks of every type. Type A for the perfectionists, B positive for you optimists, Type O for the copy editors...

Yes, of course we have a newsroom Tiki Lounge. Don't you?

Everybody in Jonelle's office dressed up as a Law & Order prosecutor.

Luke reports he and a number of his co-workers were laid off yesterday. Only the company didn't quite announce it like that:

... It was called a 'refinement' in the corporate broadcast. ...

Whippersnapper says her Midwestern upbringing finally came in handy when the PR agency where she works decided it would need a live chicken for a new public-relations campaign:

... Initially, my bosses thought one chicken would do it, so I mentioned that it might be a good idea to get several. You never know when one will want to lay an egg! Then, somebody actually said, "We'll just shoot the video in the afternoon; then, she will be done with her eggs."

I had to laugh. ...

Read this Craigslist ad for a secretart (no, that is not a typo, at least not by me) in Waltham. Among the responsibilities:

Running personal errands, such as shopping, taking clothes to the dry cleaners, and purchasing gifts

Among the requirements:

You must be comfortable doing personal tasks for our Chairman. ...

You must have a car in good working order, as errands are part of the job. You should have exclusive use of this car, rather than sharing it with someone else.

If you are invited to apply, you will have to fill out a 53-page questionnaire that asks what organizations you belong to, whether you have any friends in Massachusetts, whether you have any health problems, which courses in differential calculus and computer programming you've taken and how fast your typing speed is. Also:

There will be some times when we will ask to borrow your car. This would typically happen when our car is in the shop or we want you to take our car for errrands. How do you feel about loaning us your car?

Kelly gets to work this morning and discovers:

... I have my brown suede Dansko clog on my left foot, and a sandal on my right. ...

Go give Spatch some sympathy for having to work on Columbus Day.

Tom finds himself inside a real-life version of "The Office":

... I hate most of the people here I do work with directly. One them is the lazy insolent guy. He is currently throwing airplanes at other people. He's also the guy that sprayed somebody in the face with an inverted can of compressed air (the kind that reads "DO NOT tilt, shake, or turn can upside down before or during use as liquid contents may be dispersed. Liquid contents may cause frostbite on contact with skin.) ...

Hey Shorty Pants can't stand the person talking to himself in the office:

... No one wants to hear uh-oh, whoops, yikes, that sucks, WTF, etc as you muddle through whatever project\issue you are working on. If the disruptive behavior continues I will be forced to take severe measures to control it. This may or may not involve stabbing someone in the eye with my papermate. ...

Yes, Mike is having problems with support for his company's project management system.

Do you:

A) Run away
B) Risk life and limb, or, at the least, soaked clothes, and photograph the event?

At Tabblo, an online photo-sharing service in Cambridge, how could they not stick around?

... Three inches of water spread throughout most of our office. Worse yet, immediately below us are the main electrical trunks for all of the office and residential units in our complex. ...

Via Jason Butler.

Harold M. Clemens explains why the phrase "urban youth" really annoys him:

... It's obvious that these folk want to say black and Latino youth. Perhaps in effort to be politically correct though, or because of an unconscious refusal to identify their own racial group as "the oppressor", many non-black, non-Latino liberals shy away from identifying the ethnicity of those they supposedly want to help. The result is a distortion of the cause underlying the tragedy we witness in too many cities and the prescription, by too many liberals, of myopic, insufficient remedies for the complex situation. The "urban youth" in question suffer not because they are urban youth, but because of their ethnic/racial background. Black and brown people are deliberately downtrodden, thus any place where we live in high concentration will reflect our plight; in other words, in contrast to the moniker's implication, where we live is incidental to the obstacles we face. Our difficulties follow us and adapt to every new environment we occupy. ...

Lisa Williams reports what happened when Symantec bought her husband's company, then laid everybody off and shut his office so it could outsource their jobs to India - with absolutely no notice:

... We felt sorry for the people that the Indian contracting firm had sent to Waltham. They didn’t have cars and were stuck in an office park. We offered to lend them bicycles and I asked my husband to invite them to our house for dinner. ...

Jennifer Stewart addresses co-workers in 5-7-5:

...Go ahead. Do it.
Steal my stapler one more time,
And I'll staple you....

Working in a building full of foreign consulates presents certain challenges, David Pye writes.

Eager potential jurors await a case at Suffolk Superior Court today, not knowing their dreams will be dashed by The Lawsuit Settler.

Every three years, I get called for jury duty at Suffolk Superior Court (yes, always Suffolk Superior Court). Which means that every three years, I get to watch that video where the judge says that even if we don't get called for a jury, we will have still done our constitutional duty because our mere presence persuades the parties in many cases to settle.

Which further means that every three years, around noon, a court officer comes out and tells us we are dismissed for the day and that she'll see us all again in three years.

Yes, of course, that happened today. I have NEVER been put on a jury (once, I did make it into the courtroom before being dismissed). Lawyers for miles around can sense my awesome powers and go into chambers and tell the judge they're settling now - lest I get ahold of their case. What other explanation could there be? Next time, I think I should wear a cape.

Josh Ourisman is quitting his job in San Francisco and moving to our fair Hub (well, Cambridge, anyway). He's blogging the transition:

... This blog is my official chronicle of the process of quitting my job, moving across the country (from San Francisco to Boston), moving in with my girlfriend, and going into business for myself all at once. I like to think of it as a social experiment in exactly how far I can pursue success along a path entirely of my own choosing. ...

Somebody's looking to make a short documentary about graffiti and so is seeking a Boston graffiti artist willing to have his work and life documented:

... Please send a resume and art portfolio to the above email. ...

Then you will recognize BostoniAnne as a kindred spirit.

Margalit comes home from a day filled with office politics to whining from one of the kids, but you know what? She has a great honeydew melon:

... Have you been eating melon this season? Every single melon I buy, no matter the type, is just more amazing than the last one. I don't know that the heck is happening, but I wish you could freeze melon to eat it all year round. It's that good. ...

David Taus is leaving Boston for parts unknown out west. He sums up his two years of soul-sucking - and rewarding - work as a high-school teacher:

... I've known for some time that this would be my last year in Boston, but the news came as a great shock to a lot of them. In true teenager fashion some were indifferent, some angry, some sad, some relieved. And me, outwardly composed, quickly became a blubbering, gelatinous mess as the day wore on and as I told more and more of these human beings that I would be leaving them, moving thousands of miles away, probably never to see them again. ...