Dear Doug Bennett,

It's cute and all that you've moved up here from Nantucket so you could run for an at-large city council seat. And, gosh, we appreciate the advance robo-call to let us know you'd be in our neighborhood today and I surely did miss meeting you, even though I was home all day and never heard anybody knocking at my door, because I can certainly appreciate a candidate who is for less crime, better paying jobs, lower property taxes and clean streets (unlike all those other candidates).

But, Doug, look: I don't know how they do things down on the Islands, but up here in the big city, people don't really appreciate having campaign palm cards taped to their doors. So if you promise not to do that again, I promise not to try to make up an entire limerick about you (or rather, another one, since the first one was pretty bad). Deal?

There once was a man from Nantucket
Floppy-haired selectman who stuck it
But to Boston he flew
City council he knew
Alas, voters told him, oh, f**k it

Oh, I'm sure you can do better, so have at it.