sharks

We're gonna need a bigger breakwater!

Sure, the chances of you being gobbled by a great white shark are incredibly low, but don't be stupid out there, the Coast Guard says, in a holiday weekend shark advisory for the waters off Massachusetts:

"Predation is not generally a concern for boaters and paddlers in Northeast waters," said Al Johnson, the First Coast Guard District's recreational boating specialist, "but I have no doubt that a great white shark that swims into your comfort zone would surely find a splashing paddle or dangling hand inviting. I also expect that same passing shark would spend little time differentiating between boater, paddler and prey."

While shark attacks on humans in the Northeast are rare and there have been no recent sightings along coastal beaches, sharks are attracted to the area by the growing seal population. Johnson advises boaters and paddlers to avoid passing pods or springs of seals and avoid seal colonies and other areas where pinnipeds bask.

Channel 5 alerts us that at least one swimmer down on the Cape seemed determined to recreate the Jaws poster:

... "[The shark] sensed that swimmer in the water from a quarter of a mile away. And we all know that sharks have these extra-sensory ways of seeking their prey and this was visual proof to me," Breen said. ..

In other menacing news, Channel 5 also reports a rogue manhole cover attacked several cars on Rte. 2 in Lincoln this morning.

Headline: Shark sightings put Cape on alert.

Story: "Year-round residents aren't fazed."

A real newspaper would hire some gruff, squint-eyed sea captain so the reporter could get into a shark cage and go mano-a-finno with the Great Beast. Surely, two-fisted Herald maritime reporter O'Ryan Johnson isn't scared of a little fish, is he?