Patriots

Bundcake not pregnant.

Perhaps this Tom Brady dress-up game needs to be updated to let you put a condom on (via Third Decade).

Bostonia Rantida: Thomas Edward Brady, Jr.! Don't you make me full name you again!

Babies out of wedlock are fine and all, but you *CLEARLY* need a little lesson in how to use condoms. ...

The Missus wonders if it was an accident:

Come on man, you're a sports hero! You can afford top-of-the-line condoms! Quit going for the cheap brands.

H. notes that Brady is a Boston super hero, but adds he's obviously never met that other super hero - Trojan Man.

Margalit makes the K-Fed comparison:

... Are you grown up enough to take up this challange? I wondering, Tom. It seems like you're all excited about being the sperminator, but geesh, bad timing? ...

Kull: Does he just walk by chicks and get them pregnant?

Alison Rose: Tom, buddy, put a sock in it.

Lewis Forman: Brady keeps throwing without coverage.

Teddy Kokoros wonders if the news means that much like NFL defenses, no form of birth control can stop top Brady.

Jason Butler, who oversees search stuff at boston.com, reports:

My search dashboard lit up with Brady searches this morning.

Michael Femia had to postpone his usual Survivor update post:

... I'll be out for a while; the state has asked for a massive volunteer effort to administer emergency pregnancy tests to every woman who's been within 15 miles of Foxboro in the last six years.

Earlier:
Tom Brady, baby daddy.

Cold Hard Football Facts claims that this Borges column on a Seattle Seahawks player came from this Tacoma News-Tribune article a week earlier.

Too busy to find the similarities yourself? Adam Reilly thoughtfully provides a line-by-line comparison - and notes that Borges's column has a possible out - a disclaimer that "material from personal interviews, wire services, other beat writers, and league and team sources was used in this report."

A lot of people don't like Borges.

Perhaps Borges thought his readers have the attention span of gnats and wouldn't remember that his column today on how the signing of Adalius Thomas was possibly a big mistake completely contradicts what he wrote just yesterday on MSNBC. Bruce Allen and his readers are all over Borges - and remind him that they can, too, retain information for longer than 24 hours.

Adam Reilly thinks the story might be playing out differently if Brady were black.

Leslie Turek reports:

One of the drawbacks of watching a playoff game slightly delayed via TiVo is that when you're getting near the end, and the score is really close, and you don't hear horns honking and people whooping and hollering outside, you have a bit of a sinking feeling that you know how the game is going to turn out. ...

Shopgirlove: How did that happen?

Patsblog: My God.

Spatch kvetches:

You know, when I said "tis better to fall nobly in the conference championship than be trounced mercilessly in The Big Game" I didn't mean "tis better to choke in the second half and give the other team the biggest comeback in a conference championship game than it is to... do anything at the Super Bowl." ...

Jess: Well, fuck.

The Enforcer: My beloved Patriots CHOKED.

Alison Rose: AAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHH.

Beth: So what is there I can say?

... Frankly, this Patriots squad was a team of overachievers all year. Just being in this game this season with this team was an accomplishment. And the Colts won, fair and square. They really, truly beat us and have a lot to be proud of. ...

Michael Femia: Dammit.

Mats Tolander: They didn’t choke, they simply ran out of steam against a team with more speed, more talent and - this time around - sharper execution.

... It was a tough loss, but the Patriots put up a valiant effort this season, over coming the loss of their two top wide receivers and the usual rash of injuries n the secondary to reach the AFC Championship game. ...

Jennifer Garrett: It was close for a minute there, but I didn't cry.

Patriots Report: Go Bears. I hope they break every bone in Mannings body.

Angela: Manning didn't pull a Manning:

He won the game. I thought he was ready to unravel in the first half but he collected himself and earned his spot in Super Bowl XLI. ...

Oh, and from New York comes the Unbiased Yankees Fan: Ah, I love seeing Bostonians in agony. Also: I Hate the New England Patriots is happy.

Oh, dear: Hizzonah seems to be under the impression that TV reporters cause riots, because part of the city's plans to combat post-Pats rioting is to order bar owners to keep TV crews out (then again, it was nice to see college presidents all arrayed around the mayor, given that a big part of the problem in the past seems to have been drunken - and non-Bostonian - college students looking for an excuse to destroy things).

Carpundit wonders if the mayor is familiar with the first amendment to the U.S. Constitution.

Paul McMorrow says be safe - stay out of Kenmore Square tomorrow night, even if the cops presumably won't be packing fatal non-fatal weapons this time.

Apparently, the entire nation west of the Berkshires is in a terrible quandry: They don't know whom to root for in the AFC champisionship game because they can't decide which city and team they hate less: Boston or Indianapolis. For example:

...For me it's quite simple, I prefer the evil I know to the one I don't. After years of watching the Patriots have their way with the rest of the NFL I've grown numb. There's really nothing more they can do to hurt me any further, it's not like their fans can become bigger douchebags (unless Andrew Dice Clay Matsuzaka gives the Sox another title).

That's why this weekend I'll be rooting for the lovable likable tolerable less-loathsome Patriots. Think about it, the only reason any of us can stand the presence of Peyton Manning in the NFL is because we love to watch him fail, the more gruesome the better. ...

Via Soxaholix, which feeds on the hate:

... Yeah, as I've said befoah, Our doctahss kick ass. Our universities kick ass. Our football team kicks ass. Our fried clams kick ass. Our gay Members of Congress kick ass. So on and so forth. ...

What the Pats face (via Kiss Me Suzy):

What a game, what a finish!

But, guys, don't let next week be so close that you know who can win it.

Jennifer Garrett: Sweet mother of god, that was insane. And beautiful.

Angela: Wow. I'm shaking so hard, it's incredibly difficult to even type this.

Michael Femia: Marty Schottenheimer could botch a two-car funeral.

Kristen: It's like everyone said, don't bet against Tom Brady and Bill Belichick. You just...don't.

Domenico Betttinelli: What a game.

Cap'n Ho: We may never see the like of Tom Brady in these parts again.

Beth: The playoffs, for the truly insane sports fan, are not "fun:"

The playoffs, rather, are a time for hyperventilating into paper bags, clutching at one's jersey, biting one's nails, swearing loudly, IMing "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK" to people, and worrying. Lots of worrying.

Mats Tolander: The Patriots earned their victory by fighting and giving it everything they had on every down:

They never quit. They never gave up and they were never cowed by Chargers athletically superior players.

Jay Fitzgerald: The Pats just looked and felt tired -- like a former dynastic team in clear decline.

On Basegirl, Kristen gets all ugh:

... It was actually the first game this season that prompted me to strip off my jersey in disgust, grab my gym bag and storm out of the house, spouting profanities and promises to kill them all with my teeth if they didn't get their shit together. Of course, you and I both know that it was an empty threat since I spent the entire T ride checking the score on my phone. ...

Rob on Boston Blood Sox: The Lions outsucked us:

Both teams tried their best to lose the game, the Lions just wanted to lose it more than we did. ...

A picture of Jason Varitek riding a star-spangled unicorn, of course. Basegirl posts it for everybody to gaze upon while recovering from yesterday's Patriots game, as well as from being assaulted by John Madden and John Mellencamp.

Angela: [T]he world seems gray and dreary as I wait for the fiery gates of Hell to rise up and swallow me whole.

Angela sees blue skies:

... It's as if the clouds part, the sun shines down and despite all the misery that is my life, I am happy. ...

Take the poll; choices range from the 1812 Overture to Usher.

Via Jonelle, who wonders what the deal is with the 1812 Overture:

... Seriously? Are we that dorky, New England? ...

Beth and her dad take in the game:

... "O Fortuna" from Carmina Burana blared on the stadium soundsystem. Below us was a swirl of color and noise. A chill autumnal breeze blustered around our faces.

"How can you help but get goosebumps?" my dad said.

Basegirl: Say it ain't so. Oh, Adam, oh, oh, NO:

... First, Sergei Samsonov gets traded.

Then, Willie McGinest jumps ship to rejoin Romeo Crennel in Cleveland (this news reported to me on the phone by my mother in a tone of voice usually reserved for reporting a death in the family).

And then the Sox pull the rug out from Bronson Arroyo and ship him off to freakin' Cincinnati. ...

And then, today, just when you thought it couldn't get any worse ...

Andy: I'M PRETTY SURE I WANT TO BURN DOWN GILLETTE STADIUM RIGHT NOW.

Charley on Blue Mass. Group: It'll be nice to see real Patriots football -- next year.

Angela on Boston Brat: Making the playoffs after an injury laden season is a feat in itself and the Patriots can only get better next season.

Ralph on American Athens: Well, with the Pats' season over, it's time to start rooting for Kendrick Perkins and Patrice Bergeron.

Jennifer Garrett: That really fucking sucked.

Mats at Internet128: Brady's interception must be ranked as one of the worst-ever plays in Patriots' mostly less than glorious history.

Wrestling with Truth: My head is pulsating and my stomach is gurgling from misery-induced beer consumption at the bar.

Randy at Over the Monster: To get everyone's mind off of the Patriots game, let's talk about our new starting second baseman, Mark Loretta.

Jonelle wishes the world to know she has had quite enough of the CHB. Also, that she wishes she didn't have to decide between New England and Denver.

My standard newspaper disclosure.

Patriots Insider: The Patriots' destiny was to set more postseason records while the Jaguars destiny was yet another disappointing postseason loss to a cold weather team.

Bob: Was that play by Watson not a thing of beauty?

Emma: I saw flashes of the Champion Patriots last night. Welcome back, guys, Time to go to work.

The Chief wonders what the hell Dan Shaughnessy is doing writing about the Pats:

... The Globe is assigning a columnist to write about a sport of which he knows nothing and doesn't follow (except during the playoffs). As such, he turns in these pedestrian accounts that do nothing to shake the insight tree. Unless, of course, you think such analysis as "Once again, Belichick knew what he was doing" and "You can be sure folks in Denver and Indianapolis noticed" passes for wisdom. Is that really what the Globe pays him for? ...

The Average Fan cannot believe his ears when he hears Tom Brady complaining that fans have given up on the Patriots. Since he is Tom Brady, the Fan is willing to cut him some slack this time:

... If saying those hurtful things is what you need to do to motivate your team and prepare yourself for a third straight SuperBowl run then so be it. Ray Lewis visualizes someone raping and murdering his family to get pumped for games, Tom Brady claims a lot of people have given up on him. Hey, whatever wakes you up in the morning. But I am here to tell you that less people are counting you out than you think. ...

Bruce notes this isn't the first time Brady and the Pats have played the disrespect game.

Emma notes how the Patriots clinched their third-straight divisional win with a 28-0 win:

... HOT LIKE WASABI. STYLING LIKE SHAFT. ROLLING LIKE PORSCHE.

WE ARE THE TEAM NO ONE'S GONNA WANT TO FACE IN JANUARY. ...