Johnny Damon
OK, so maybe "Damon sucks" baby bibs are a bit, oh, extreme. But do they warrant legal threats from Johnny Damon's agent?
Via Beetle, who suggests another saying for bibs.
The Optimistic Patriot tells Red Sox Nation to wipe the spittle off its chin:
... Sox Nation forfeited the right to boo Damon when the Red Sox traded away Bronson Arroyo. Arroyo played the sucker, signed for a hometown discount because he wanted to stay in Boston, and the Sox immediately traded him. I guess loyalty is a one-way street because I missed the booing for Henry, Warner, Epstein, etc. for taking advantage of Arroyo. ...
One suspects Mr. Patriot does not travel in the same circles as Amy over at Pasquinade, who reports on watching the game at Game On next to Fenway:
... I attracted stares from a chinless wonder as I yelled at the television for Johnny Damon to shut up, shut up, SHUT. UP. I hate your helmet doff, I hate your douchy new hair, I don't miss your lackluster offense (HA HA). ...
Soxaholix, meanwhile, ponders Yankee killer David Ortiz and the returning Doug Mirabelli:
... Considah this. How lucky are we that yesterday in cities all across America the men in blue were tasked with crowd control at immigrant protests while here in Boston the police were taking on the most solemn and earnest duty of escorting the Red Sox backup catcher to Fenway? ...
On Soxaholix, Hart's bunch has become the latest group to wish Johnny Damon would just shut up already - especially on the whole "fun" thing:
... Absolutely, one of the things that put the 04 club over the top was the acquisition of a guy who not only doesn't have fun, he actually doesn't even like playing baseball — Keith Foulke. ...
Basegirl gazes upon that full-page Johnny Damon thank-you ad in the Globe today and addresses No. 18:
... Actually, I don't really want to miss you. I just want you to go away.
Let it go, JD. We already have.
Call of the Green Monster reveals the original text of the ad:
... "As you might have imagine, Johnny doesn't exactly write all that well," Damon's agent, Scott Boras, told COTGM, speaking on the condition of anonymity. "I had to rewrite the entire thing." Damon's original message paid tribute to all the "hot-looking babes" in Boston, going into excruciatingly private details about his bachelor days and subsequent marriage to his wife, Michelle. ...
Hart Brachen ponders the imponderable - and wonders why Sox fans have never caught on to the whole ululating thing.
Expressing one's feelings through statuary - Now does anybody know where this masterpiece is?
Is a girl wearing a blue t-shirt reading:
WELCOME TO NEW YORK, JOHNNY!
Blecch. Fortunately, other than that, the trip back to Providence was uneventful.
Johnny Damon, how can one describe the crulety which you have subjected upon Red Sox Nation. What you have done to YOUR fans is just unfathomable. Read more
Andrew once again proves why baseball is a game of statistics with his analysis of why Damon wasn't as good as we think (caution: you will need to digest his explanation of something called SecA first):
... Johnny Damon was a below-average Major League hitter in 2005. Below Average. He fared somewhat better among center fielders and leadoff men, but not by enough to make his loss a real crime. For $13 million dollars a year, along with the promise of lost speed and plunging production, I want way more for my money than a singles hitter who failed, catastrophically, to do much else.
...
Meanwhile, Meg comes up with another statistic:
... If it's not the Curse of the Epsteino that's bringing this down upon the Nation, perhaps it's a Curse of the Queer Eyes. Of the five Sox who appeared on "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," (Kevin Millar, Jason Varitek, Johnny Damon, Tim Wakefield, and Doug Mirabelli), only Wakefield and Varitek now remain.
OK, I swear this is the last Johnny Damon post (well, of the night, anyway). The Chief once again uses his photographic memory (or his Lexis/Nexis account, your choice) to play Dan Shaughnessy against himself - apparently, Shaughnessy doesn't think anybody will remember anything he wrote three weeks ago, let alone in April.
Nobody at the Globe paid me to link to Dan Shaughnessy Watch, believe me
Via Dave, who looks on the bright side of Johnny Damon's defection to the Deathstar:
Maybe this year the Sox can have a CF who can throw all the way to the infield.
For a limited time, you can buy Johnny's soul on eBay.
The hits just keep on coming: Read more
Kristen: Insert Religiously-Themed Betrayal Headline Here:
... I resent the Johnny Damon-centricity of the team over the last three seasons or so because I felt all the while that I was being force fed. It wasn't organic. It wasn't as though he was someone that fans just gravitated to like they have with Tek or Trot. Even Papi's popularity is due to his megawatt smile and his ability to jack one over the Monster, not a publicity tour or some mad genius wipping up a brilliant PR scheme. But with Damon, it just got to be too much. "Face of the Red Sox, people! Get your face of the Red Sox, right here!" It felt calculated.
And now, it appears, it was. ...
Red: Mr. Damon, you are dead to me.
Steve: Hey, didn't we used to have a baseball team in this town?
Tony: Why is there so much fuss about a baseball player leaving a team?
It's just business after all.
Sully thanks Damon for Game 7 and other memorable moments but adds:
...[T]hank the Good Lord we didn't sign this deal. Warning signs for Damon abound. For starters, he's 32. The Yankees have committed $52 million for Damon's 32-35 seasons. Remember, he's a centerfielder who derives much of his value from his ability to cover ground like a gazelle in centerfield. He does not have Jim Edmonds' power, a characteristic more likely to stick with an aging player. There are also performance issues at the plate with Damon. On the road from 2002-2004, he hit an unspectacular .278/.340/.433. In 2005, he hit .298/.342/.438. In his last two seasons, two of his three best as a pro, he has seen his numbers greatly inflated by a high batting average at Fenway Park. A lifetime .290 hitter, he batted .334 at Fenway in 2005 and .330 in 2004. I heard Johnny Damon speaking on Boston's local CBS affiliate last night and he mentioned that the Sox "just didn't step up." Well in this particular instance, I have to say I am glad they didn't. ...
Shanna: Demon trade.
Jody: A sad, sad day:
... I'm not so sad about Johnny "no Arm" leaving as I am that this really just removes the last remaining poster boy of the 2004 team (assuming Manny is going somewhere else). ...
Amy: AHHHHHHHHRGHGHHHRHH&%$@!!!!!!:
... Fucking Scott Boras! 12/21 is already the longest and worst day of the year and now the Yankees are going to take another Red Sock with perfectly good hair and make him look like one of their automatrons. WHY? What is the Yankee payroll going to be next year, 500 million?? ... Meanwhile, I'll be looking forward to a season of being a Dodgers fan.
Jay notes Larry Lucchino's role in the failed Damon negotiations:
... Larry seems stunned by the move. Tick tock. Larry was personally in charge of the negotiations. Tick tock. Owners are 'disappointed' again. Tick Tock. ...
Amy: Johnny Damon is a Stupid Bitch:
... Enjoy watching Jeter and A-Rod get fellated by the media in New York while you sit in the corner, cold and alone, rubbing one out to the memories of Game 7 of the ALCS in 2004. Donate your hair to Locks of Love, put your condo on the market, take your dumb-ass wife and get the hell out. Let the dirt dogs like Youks and Trot and Tek play some fucking baseball instead of trying to launch an additional career on the hearts of a baseball-crazed city. Stupid, stupid bitch. ...
Even more fan comments in Well, so now we know WJDWD.
Johnny Damon Agrees to Sign With New York Yankees
Channel 5 news just reported this...
Oh crap please Johnny tell us it's not true!!
RallyCuff takes a look at photos of Manny's $6.9-million Ritz condo and gets creeped out:
... Of the "memorabilia" laying around the house - pictures of Manny's family, his World Series trophy, the Pedro bobblehead with Manny Jr.'s scrawl across the face and jersey ... it was like Manny just died or something ... like something horribly tragic had evaporated him and his whole family and we were all being treated to a vulture's view of the corpses. In short, I didn't like it. Some things are personal and I don't need to see them. ...
Red, meanwhile, is more creeped out by the prospect of a Red Sox team without Johnny Damon.
Zach looks at available free agents and the odds they might sign with the Sox, including Johnny Damon:
... The rock star is headed to the Bronx, where he shaves off all of his hair, is brainwashed by Steinbrenner, and sells his soul to the devil. ...
Red, meanwhile, wishes to have a word or two with Sox management, specificially: Thou shalt not trade Manny:
... So the guy will occasionally leave the field mid-game to take a whiz. So he sometimes forgets how many outs there are. So he'll slag off on the basepaths from time to time. If this was Bernard Gilkey we were talking about, I'd say tie him to a raft and set him loose in Boston Harbor. But Manny is one of the best, if not the best, righthanded hitter in the game. Where else ya gonna get those 45 home runs and 144 RBIs? And who's gonna protect Papi in the line-up? Kevin Youkilis? If you give him a gun, maybe. ...
Michael poses the question (no doubt with absolutely nothing to do with the current situation in St. Louis):
What job could you picture each of the current/recent Red Sox having, if there were no such thing as organized professional sports?:
Bronson Arroyo - indie rocker, obviously.
Mark Bellhorn - probably a bicycle courier.
Johnny Damon - hairdresser and messiah seem a little too obvious. This is a toughie.
Keith Foulke - insurance salesman. ...
Girlie was getting a bit disenchanted with the publicity whoring Johnny Damon, but news that he wants to retire with the Sox instead of going over to the Empire might bring her back:
... I'm a skeptical girl. I'll believe it - that you won't join the Dark Side - when I see it. But I feel a little better about wearing my #18 shirt for your having said it.
Domenico explains why - it involves a poster showing him as Jesus at the Last Supper.
Carpundit is disgusted that Johnny Damon dished on his breakup with his first wife in his new book:
... I have been married twice, so I know how hard marriage and divorce can be. And I know how bitter the feelings can be on both sides. But a father - no, a man - keeps his mouth shut about his ex-wife, the mother of his children, unless he is complimenting her for her mothering. A man doesn't impugn his ex-wife's character as a woman, as a wife, as a homemaker, as a professional. If he has negative thoughts, he shuts the hell up. Johnny Damon failed that test of inner character.
Johnny Damon is a weak man, not worthy of our respect.
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