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Shortage of youth-hockey refs blamed on parents who need to get a frickin' grip

Mass Hockey, which oversees youth-hockey programs in the state, reports refs are quitting rather than putting up with nonsense from parents who seem to have forgotten we're talking about their children here, not NHL players:

Since this season started, we have already experienced​ several troubling incidents, including: a referee ​needing a police escort​ after a 8U game; a young female referee quitting​​ in the middle of a set of games​ due to parent harassment​; a parent ​coming on the ice trying to get at a referee; and parent entering​ the scorer’s box to berate a player on the other team for a penalty against her child.

The group adds:

Our officials are everyday people just like our parents, who have real jobs but try to work a side job to help our kids play a game, earn a little extra income and give back to the game. It would appear that many people, for whatever reason, have lost this understanding and somehow believe that our officials need to be at the same level as what they see on TV at the college or NHL level.

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Comments

My brother played hockey through high school. When I was at his games in late middle school and early high school, by the second period you could always pick out which parents were the shitty ones. I'd go stand near them and obnoxiously cheer against their kid/team and really try to piss them off. I would get looks of death but they knew if they tried anything they'd go to jail for assaulting a minor. Good times.

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people generally have just lost their damned minds.

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If more youth hockey refs aren’t found quickly, hockey parents may disperse to other sports.

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You cynic, you.

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And when they disperse, they will kill that sport as well

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And here I thought after experiencing and surviving the pandemic it would make us empathetic. Instead the complete opposite is happening. Very disheartening.

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Trying googling Thomas Junta. This guy beat another parent to death at his kids hockey PRACTICE in Raeding.

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Most of the families I work with and encounter personally do seem to have reevaluated priorities and have upped the kindness and community involvement, and a lot of it continues to happen.

The few who were already entitled control freaks were the ones who spent the pandemic losing their shit that "CHILDREN NEED TO BE IN SCHOOL" and "NO ONE HAS EVER LEARNED ANYTHING OR HAD A SOCIAL INTERACTION OVER THE INTERNET EVER" rather than teaching their kids we're all being flexible in order to keep people safe. Then once stuff started being in person to an extent, the entitled control freak vibes intensified, because now their kids need to frantically make up for lost time (even though everyone has the same amount of lost time, and your kids have always been the ones who would turn out well at least on paper regardless).

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The pandemic and lockdown affected people in different ways, depending on a multitude of factors. I don’t know what your profession is, but taking cheap shots at your client base on an anonymous message board doesn’t reflect well on your professionalism. There’s been a coarsening of society and a tremendous amount of untreated stress, anxiety, and depression over the last 18 months. Wanting your kids to go to school because the science supports it and a 5 year old doesn’t learn well remotely is actually perfectly reasonable.

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This is such an overgeneralization

How so, when eeka is speaking from specific experience?

I don’t know what your profession is

That's right, you don't. You also don't know who eeka's clients are, and you definitely don't know if eeka's description is accurate. So maybe unruffle your feathers, stop tut-tutting, and let people speak freely about matters where they have direct experience.

the science supports it

Uh huh, and you do your own research.

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The American academy of pediatrics and legions of public health experts, including Fauci, argued in favor of returning elementary kids to school last year with masks and appropriate social distancing measures in place. NYC managed to do it for the entire year.

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It is not new or caused by the pandemic by any stretch of the imagination.

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It has always been a problem in youth sports.

What has been lost is the ability of sane parents to tell the loudmouths to STFU.

It also helps if the refs are not team affiliated and have the authority to remove parents from the building/field. I had a loudmouth parent of one of the kids on my soccer team who was banned for the season and I was not unhappy about it.

Soccer also uses one adult ref with youth refs working the lines. My son was 13 and working a girls U14 game when the goalie screamed "GET THAT N****R OUT OF MY BOX". He blew the whistle, called over the adult ref, who pulled the red card. When her father came out and started using more slurs? Adult ref called the cops and told Dadracist that he had maybe three minutes to leave before they arrived. Loudmouth girl racist got a year off of soccer, her father was banned for two years by the league.

That's the kind of backup and follow up that is needed here. Parents in some sports sign a code of conduct for parents, and the consequences are spelled out clearly. Make it clear that bullshit walks from the get go and then enforce it.

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Not the bad parents. Sorry.

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As an mere 13 year old he was brave to stand up against a grown up out of control racist.

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Way more than that. I fondly remember getting a police escort out of the Marlboro Sports Center about 20 years ago when a minor on ice skirmish turned into parents brawling in the stands.

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My daughter plays on two teams and has games just about every weekend. Maybe it's because it's girls hockey (no checking, but still plenty physical) but I haven't seen people give the refs a lot of sh*t. Oh there are cat calls when an "obvious" penalty is missed, but I haven't seen parents going after the refs. The only time it almost got physical was when a girl made a cheap, late hit as time expired that left the other girl flat out on the ice. The parents gave the other coach a good going over and he basically shrugged.

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About 3 years back, at the start of the season, we hockey parents were summoned to a "mandatory" meeting. What it really was was a sales pitch to become hockey refs. At that time we were told there was a shortage and that basically if you could skate, they would train you to be a ref. We were told that they get paid $35 and up per game. So if anyone is looking for a side gig breaking up fights, you are in demand!

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3rd grade girls at the Westie Y. Winter of 1995 or somewhere around that. Team A is beating Team B by about 40 most of the game. Team A is also playing real aggressive defense and keeps fouling Team B over and over. Team A coach all over me telling me that I'm not calling it both ways and is pointing out the discrepancy of my foul calls. At one point I call another foul on Team A and Coach A rips into me. I blow the whistle, T up the coach and tell him if he says one more word Team B wins via forfeit (I made that rule up it's 3rd graders for crying out loud who cares about who wins or loses). At this point parents start cheering for me even chanting "LET'S GO REF!!....LET'S GO REF!!......LET'S GO REF!! Coach A super embarrassed and I am a hero.

I think that was the last game I've ever reffed though. Maybe it's time to go back and settle old scores.......

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You bet they do. Too seriously. I can't believe this is 20 years old:

https://www.nytimes.com/2002/01/26/us/father-in-killing-at-hockey-rink-i...

Youth Hockey is the Boston version of Friday Night Lights.

I used to live near a rink. Mommy Tanks and Small Penis Dodge Ram Drivers going at light speed to get to their 7 year old to a double practice.

This is why I steered my kids to baseball, soccer, and basketball (and theatre). Less drama, except theatre of course.

Have fun on the ice dad, your kid will be third string at some team which is made up of kids from two high schools and you will be out thousands per year on ice time and the trip to Lake Placid to play the kids from two towns over from you and the scout from St. Seb's or Dexter-Southfield isn't looking at your kid.

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generally take ALL sports way to seriously. Just look at the reactions when any of our local "professional" teams lose a game.

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Referee's have literally been murder over a soccer game in South America. Same shit in Eastern Europe.

The US isnt that bad, look how everyone melted down over a water bottle being thrown at a player.

https://www.universalhub.com/2021/braintree-man-charged-throwing-water-b...

Here in America it appears some peoples favorite past time is pretending we live in the worst country on earth.

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A lot of these unhinged parents drive these little kids into the ground with practices before school and then again after dinner and until into the night.

Power skating at 6am on Saturdays, scrimmages in the afternoon. Double practice Sunday and then it all starts over again Monday morning for practice.

It's borderline abuse.

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...or win a game.

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Also look at what school programs get cut when there are austerity initiatives. Remember shop classes, Home Economics, and Art? All gone, or seriously diminished. Football? Still a big deal, brain damage and all. It's not all sports, though. Gymnastics is fading fast, probably because it's mostly a girls' sport.

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Is the best argument ever for funding Planned Parenthood.

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Speak for yourself. Not all hockey parents are like that. Some of our kids actually ONLY like to play hockey and the parents know how not to be A******S. Guess your kids will never know since you "steer" them away from it.

To assume we all drive Mommy tanks and speed over people to rush our kids off to double practice is obnoxious at best and dare I say, typical for a theatre dad? Doesn't sound right does it? Maybe you steer your kids toward those less contact sports because, well isn't it obvious with your assumptions? Doesn't feel good, does it?

Yeah, maybe my kid will be 2nd or 10th string but showing him dedication by making it to practice on time, to every game, what it means to RESPECT a coach and trying his best is worth being "serious."

Now I have to run, my kid has practice.

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Magoo agrees with everything everyone has said here. Magoo.

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…. label the referee who quit in the middle of a game as young and female? The sex and age groups of the other referees are not identified.

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I think that calling her out was more of a way to call out the morons who are causing this issue. These imbeciles will attack anyone without regard, even a young female ref. To me it just hammers home the issue and entitlement these parents seem to have.

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and I took it to mean that the abuse lobbed at her was sexual in nature and was so disgusting and threatening it caused her to quit mid tournament.

Because in situations like that, that's typically what's going on. The man is getting verbally abused and the woman is getting verbally sexually abused.

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This has always been the case in youth hockey and the concerning behavior of these aggressive parents has been allowed to continue for decades. One reason why my kids would never play on a youth hockey team.

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