Stanley Staco reports:

Shoplifter at Star Market made her escape in a Blue Tesla, on Spring St, BPD enrt to write report #147pm

No word if she made off with bags of shrimp.

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I have this eerie premonition of Elon tweeting "LOL EPIC WIN" in response to this story, then acting all confused at why Star Market won't pay him for a blue checkmark after all the publicity he's giving them.

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