BU tells students resistance to the Borg is not futile
Boston University sent e-mail to students today that starts with a limerick about "St. Patty's Day" (note to BU: Check with BC about how to spell that) before getting down to some nuts-and-bolts advice about how to survive Friday intact, including: "Avoid the dreaded BORG. They are dangerous (and sound disgusting, fwiw)."
No, not Jean-Luc Picard's old nemesis but gallon jugs o' doom, filled with vodka and electrolytes, that sent nearly 30 UMass Amherst students to the hospital during that school's traditional Blarney Blowout festivities earlier this month.
The containers, also known as "blackout rage gallons" are, of course, the sort of thing today's impressionable youth learn about on TikTok, at least according to authorities, who are probably relieved nobody's yet thought to combine them with Tide Pods or something.
Oh, but wait, you want to know about the limerick?
There once was a St. Patty’s Day so fine,
Everyone went out for a wicked good time,
They all used their head,
Made it safely to bed,
And woke up the next day, feeling fine!
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You will be assimilated.
MIT sent out the same BORG warning today.. I guess we ARE Borg..
That limerick tho
The first line has too many syllables so nobody read past that, right? "There once was a man from Nantucket" is 9 syllables and I refuse to accept any other number. Gonna go get my BORGs ready, I guess ....
(The dictionary tells me that the emphasis is on the first syllable, TRIM-uh-ter.)
There Once Were Some Kids Inartic’late
Indeed. The whole ditty is inarticulate rhyme scheme-free garbage. Not exactly a testament to the [dubious] caliber of Boston University’s student body, innit?
Worst limerick ever. (said in
Worst limerick ever. (said in the comic book guy voice)
had to consult the google
is that really what the kids are doing these days?
One obvious point missed: that "disgusting"
is hardly disqualifying for boozy drinks favored by the yout's. The current rage among 20-something (and presumably younger) drinkers is for espresso martinis, which the olds will quickly recognize as a headache in a glass, tomorrow's certain regret. But I knew better than to tut-tut at my 22-year-old nephew and his friends pouring those down at a Boston bar recently.
I cannot throw stones. I remember a concoction I made weekly for a crew of appreciative friends in my college days: bottom-shelf vodka (Zhenka "Premium" in the plastic handle!), frozen concentrated limeade and lime sherbet, whirred with ice in a blender and served in 16-ounce plastic cups.
One eventually figures out that sugar and cheap booze aren't really your friends, but in the meantime it seems like a fantastic, delicious idea. It helps to have a young person's physical resilience to self-poisoning, but nobody should get deep into their 20s without recognizing the utter folly there.
Back in college days
some friends of mine mixed Tia Maria ... and Sprite.
They never lived it down. If anything at all ever seemed odious, all one had to say was "Tia Maria and Sprite??"
Sprite and Tequila for the Win!
In high school, a friend and I favored spiking Sprite with tequila -- that limon made it almost like a fizzy margarita! Perfect for the movie theater where we lived, as it was so easy to sneak in a few small bottles to add to the massive soft drinks they sold.
Hawaiian Punch and Everclear with some fruit dissolving in it.
I mean, I never did...but I saw it being made in my day.
We called it "Jungle Juice"
in the late 80s...
Mountain Dew is so named because it was originally developed as a mixer for moonshine. Which means if you're drinking Everclear + Mountain Dew, you're not being trashy - you're paying tribute to an American folk classic.
I used to dump tequila into Gatorade.
I'll still do it on occasion - usually when the heat index tops 100.
Then there was the Green Goddamnit that my brother's dorm favored - lime sherbet, gatorade, everclear, orange juice.
Every generation has its own dumbass danger drink, and it never fails to scandalize those elders who somehow survived their own dumbass danger drink escapades.
Sounds like the "puke punch" my wife used to make
We had lots of fun with that drink in college, despite knowing enough about what it would do to give it a delightfully descriptive and alliterative name.
That vodka/lime concoction
That vodka/lime concoction actually sounds pretty good to me as a hot-weather cocktail. Luckily, being an adult, if I choose to do this (a) I don't feel the need to get wrecked drunk very often and will only use a tiny slug of vodka; (b) I have adult money and can afford to buy decent vodka, at very least a brand that comes in a glass bottle.
Advice for your nephew
Courtesy of Wednesday night's Jeopardy! and the people of Australia:
"Aussies swear by Berocca for hangovers, maybe after too many of their beloved espresso these cocktails"
The concoctions favored by my
The concoctions favored by my group in high school were called "Rocket Fuel" and "Tommy Gun". I have decided not to repeat the recipes here, for the sake of public health. Trust me, you're not missing anything.
This is what happens when you
This is what happens when you outlaw Four Loko and Sparks
I think they are disgusting
I think they are disgusting now but when I was 20ish I totally would walk around with a borg if it were an option. We would empty a half jug of juice and fill the other half with booze and pass it around. Not even good juice, gallon jugs of cheap sugar water.
Old people telling young people something is disgusting never works.
Harm Reduction Experts
are actually coming out in favor of BORGs. It allows people to mix drinks to their own tolerance. So yeah you're pounding something that's disgusting but you know exactly how much alcohol is in there as opposed to the jungle juice being served by whatever rando is throwing the party. Also less likely to get a roofie slipped in there.
Obviously binge drinking isn't good but from the perspective of "college kids are gonna do it" the BORG trend is a step up in terms making it slightly, just a little, safer.
I'll probably get a lot of hate for this, but in among all the nostalgia about how blitzed we (you) got when you were that age, I'm surprised and dismayed not to see more real concern. This is a problem. If you've never seen the Blarney Blowout or similar examples of massive self-harm, you may perhaps being excused for thinking it's all good fun, but this is some really bad shit.
Yeah, it's just a social cover for alcoholism and self-harm.
Anyone getting blackout drunk on purpose has serious problems. (The main problem being the prevailing culture...)
That would be addressing the real problem
Home-made toxic bullshit, pre-gaming, and binge drinking are all features of having a legal drinking age rivaled only by the more liberal majority Islamic countries.
But that would also mean tackling the compulsory "driving" side of the equation that led to that high drinking age. Can't possibly do that! Can't have transit into the wee hours of weekends! Can't look at transit as a factor for opening a bar!
If these young adults could drink legally in bars, that would be more supervised and social - and it would also regrow local music scenes.
Or let them buy a six-pack
Or let them buy a six-pack and sit in a park and drink it: open-container laws are largely another American idiosyncrasy. In Germany, for instance, taking a beer with you as you go for a stroll on a pleasant night is considered perfectly normal behavior.