Eager potential jurors await a case at Suffolk Superior Court today, not knowing their dreams will be dashed by The Lawsuit Settler.
Every three years, I get called for jury duty at Suffolk Superior Court (yes, always Suffolk Superior Court). Which means that every three years, I get to watch that video where the judge says that even if we don't get called for a jury, we will have still done our constitutional duty because our mere presence persuades the parties in many cases to settle.
Which further means that every three years, around noon, a court officer comes out and tells us we are dismissed for the day and that she'll see us all again in three years.
Yes, of course, that happened today. I have NEVER been put on a jury (once, I did make it into the courtroom before being dismissed). Lawyers for miles around can sense my awesome powers and go into chambers and tell the judge they're settling now - lest I get ahold of their case. What other explanation could there be? Next time, I think I should wear a cape.