Please don't let this happen at Fenway Park

If a Yankee pitcher is working on a no-hitter at Fenway, bring Ronan out for the rhythm-shattering 11-minute version.

Or the accusations of anti-semitism?

Congratulations to Kevin Cullen, for confirming everyone's worst stereotypes about Townies.

It's bad enough that Cullen can't think of a better way to select a singer than spiting New York. Shouldn't our homegrown talent get a chance? Is our inferiority complex so massive that we need to snap up the Yankees' cast-offs?

The bigger problem is that his chosen hero got himself in hot water for saying something that was, charitably, a moment of careless bigotry that shouldn't be allowed to define him. But that's not good enough for Cullen. He'd like to render the entire episode anodyne, evidence of how an entirely blameless fellow could be railroaded. And he includes this humdinger of a claim: "He grew up on a farm in Kilkenny, and didn’t even know what anti-Semitism was until he landed in New York." Well, sure, Kevin. Anti-semitism is an American invention - never happened back in Eire. (Ireland was and is actually a fairly tolerant place, but come one. If Tynan hadn't heard of anti-Semitism, that only suggests he'd imbued views as normative without recognizing them as problematic.)

Then there's Cullen's version of the notorious incident.

“Don’t worry,’’ the realtor said, “they’re not Red Sox fans.’’
“As long as they’re not those Jewish ladies,’’ Tynan replied.

That doesn't sound so terrible. But the woman who made the incident public has stood by her account, claiming that what Tynan actually said was "I don't care about that, as long as they are not Jewish." And Tynan himself has previously admitted that he was asked to clarify, and said: "Well, that would be scary." If Cullen's going to write that This is what happened shouldn't he let the readers know that he's offering one version of a disputed exchange? Or given us the useful little factoid that Tynan had a chance to clarify, and all that he could muster was, "That would be scary"? Or in some way, tried to explain to his readers why the Yankees reacted the way they did? His account isn't just one-sided, it's incomprehensible.

What was actually said is probably unknowable. The point is that none of these versions allow Tynan to come off terribly well. Condemning him seems pointless, and perhaps unfair - he's suffered enough. But lauding him as an unjustly maligned victim, and elevating him as a heroic story of potential redemption? That's just perverse. I hope Tynan goes on to lead a happy and productive life. And I'd just as soon he didn't take the microphone at Fenway.

He failed to say "amirite fellas" and link to a rimshot after saying something ignorant and inappropriate.

It's a magical charm that turns blatant bigotry into "humor", ya know.

I can't imagine that the Red Sox partnership would ever make such a cynical move; disastrous.