Alex Beam can just stay the hell out of Roslindale

Coyote enjoying a snack

Will Roseliep reports spotting two coyotes at Walter and Bussey streets by the Arboretum Friday night.

They were most definitely snacking on something - maybe a housepet, maybe some Slim Jims from a nearby c-store.

The Globe's resident crank would rather just kill them, no doubt with his bare hands (no, actually, he wants to blast them with a shotgun), which mystified Roseliep:

These guys looked so chilled, and weren't disturbed by my high beams ...why kill shoot them all when they obviously just want to live a quiet life amongst Roslindale/Newton/W. Roxbury residents?

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So by your

nothing will ever be done? There's only been one recorded death due to a coyote attack, EVER.

http://tchester.org/sgm/lists/coyote_attacks.html

Pets are a much bigger danger. And the way to get rid of these guys is simple, take away their easiest food source's that PEOPLE are creating. Keep pets inside, lock garbage up wildlife proof containers and stop putting the cat food buffet outside.

Oh, but that would just inconvenience so many people. Better to kill everything we think needs a killing!

Faulty ACME products or user error?

Consider the following:

In the United States District Court
Southwestern District, Tempe, Arizona

The Honorable Homer Simpson, Presiding

Wile E. Coyote, )
Plaintiff )
v. ) Case No. B19293
Acme Company, )
Defendant )
--------

Opening Statement of Nicholas J. McSlick of Fairweather, Winters, and Summers, Attorney for Acme Company:

The plaintiff, Coyote, has filed a lawsuit against, my client, the Acme Company sounding in tort for products liability alleging that Acme Co., was negligent, reckless, and placed products into the stream of commerce through its mail order catalogues. Coyote also alleges strict products liability, breach of warranty, breach of warranty of merchantability, and that the products were not fit for their intended use. Coyote seeks the outrageous sum of twenty one million seven hundred fifty thousand dollars for general compensatory damages and attorneys fees, and an additional seventeen million dollars in punitive or exemplary damages alleging Acme acted in reckless disregard for plaintiff's safety.

We shall prove and we shall show to your satisfaction that the plaintiff cannot meet his burden of proof and that ACME Company made its products as safe as possible in keeping with the state of the art of technology when said products were placed into the stream of commerce.

Moreover, the evidence will show that the plaintiff assumed known risks associated with the use of the products he ordered; he also failed to heed printed warnings; he intentionally misused said products; and he made substantial charges to the design and character of the products as to void all warranties and absolving Acme of all civil liability.

Plaintiff, during many of his alleged injury incidents as mentioned in his petition was also contributorily negligent and his negligence far exceeded any negligence on the part of Acme Company.

Furthermore, we will show by a preponderance of the evidence that plaintiff Coyote is a malingerer and a fraud and at no time has he ever sustained any permanent injury whatsoever.

Although, Coyote represents himself as a self-employed-professional, to wit: a predator, we will prove through films done by Warner Bros. that Wile E. Coyote is a rich, playboy, cartoon star/actor. We will view videotaped footage wherein the Coyote after suffering seemingly horrendous, grotesque, debilitating and life threatening injuries, is seen no more than 30 seconds later totally uninjured and unscathed.

We had Mr. Coyote examined by an independent medical doctor, one Dr. S. Brandon Quackmeister, who will testify that none of the plaintiff's claimed injuries are permanent. Coyote has not had any residual pain symptoms since that alleged incidents.

In truth and in fact, ladies and gentlemen, the claims of the plaintiff Mr. Wile E. Coyote are nothing more than wishful thinking and, in brief, figments of his imagination.

Let's look at the cold, hard evidence, ladies and gentlemen. Coyote claims 85 separate occasions Acme products have caused him injury. His proof of defects is nothing more than sales slips from Acme. He offers no expert testimony in this regard. He cannot produce a physical engineer to cite one defect in Acme's products.

He cites in particular the December 13 incident. He does not mention the fact that this happened over 25 years ago--well past the applicable statute of limitations. He failed to assemble the sled properly. The exploded view assembly instructions show the torque values for all bolts in connection with the assembly of the sled. The instructions and boldface red warnings on the instructions clearly state: FAILURE TO TIGHTEN ALL BOLTS TO THE EXACT TORQUE VALUES MAY RESULT IN STEERING SYSTEM DIFFICULTY OR WHOLESALE FAILURE OF THE ENTIRE SYSTEM WHICH MAY RESULT IN SERIOUS BODILY INJURY OR DEATH. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO USE A BOX WRENCH ON THE STEERING SYSTEM BOLTS. Then in the fine print under the tools needed section it states, ACME TORQUE WRENCH MODEL #22100 or SEARS CRAFTSMAN MODEL DIAL OR CLICK TYPE.

Post-crash examination of the sled remains reveal, that none of the bolts had the proper torque value and further that Coyote lost original parts and used his own replacement parts of the improper hardness which resulted in metal fatigue at various stress points, causing steering system failure. His negligence exceeded any negligence on the part of Acme which Acme specifically denies.

Despite the rocket sled incident and the claimed injuries, Coyote was seen 30 seconds later on the rocket skates which were purchased on the very same date as the rocket sled. (See receipts in court file.)

As for the incident with the skates, Coyote assumed a known risk attempting to pilot the skates while wearing plaster casts. Any reasonable person would know that it would be impossible to maintain one's balance so encumbered--Coyote assumed the risk.

In response to Coyote's claims of wrongdoing on the part of ACME with respect to "mishaps with explosives" on occasions too numerous to list, again, Coyote failed to heed warnings and falsified documents in purchasing said explosives.

The mail order form which accompanies the Explosive Catalog clearly states: IN ORDER TO PURCHASE EXPLOSIVES FROM ACME YOU MUST HAVE A FEDERAL CLASS B EXPLOSIVE LICENSE AND ATTACH A FULL COPY TOGETHER WITH THE DRIVER'S LICENSE OF YOUR STATE OF RESIDENCE.

The warnings also shipped with the mail order forms with respect to explosives state without equivocation: ACME CLASS B EXPLOSIVE ARE INHERENTLY DANGEROUS. THEY SHOULD ONLY BE USE BY TRAINED PERSONNEL. THEY SHOULD NEVER BE DETONATED OF IGNITED NEAR PEOPLE OR ANIMALS (EMPHASIS ADDED). THE MANUFACTURER DISCLAIMS ALL CIVIL LIABILITY IN CONNECTION WITH IMPROPER, UNINTENDED OR ILLEGAL USE OF EXPLOSIVE DEVICES.

Also, in boldface, red type it states: FAILURE TO STORE "LITTLE GIANT" FIRECRACKER, SELF-GUIDED AERIAL BOMB AND OTHER EXPLOSIVES IN AN ADEQUATE MAGAZINE OR OTHER COOL, DRY AIR SPACE WILL RESULT IN THEIR DETERIORATION AND BREAKDOWN OF CHEMICAL PROPERTIES MAKING THEM EXTREMELY VOLATILE. FAILURE TO HEED THIS WARNING MAY RESULT IN SERIOUS INJURY OR DEATH.

First of all, Coyote procured all the devices with a falsified Class B explosives license. In short, he made illegal purchases.

Secondly, it was the plaintiff's habit or routine practice to haphazardly store the explosives in the open air--In Arizona, where the Court could take judicial notice of the fact that daytime temperatures exceed 100 F. These explosives became volatile as warned and hence often exploding prematurely . Furthermore, pursuit of his chosen prey with explosives was clearly excessive. Perhaps, he could have purchased the ACME HAVE-A-HEART-LIVE-TRAP MODEL T-001-216 which sells for a mere $29.95. Instead, he recklessly disobeyed clear warnings to his own detriment.

As far the Spring-Powered Shoes incident, Defendant admits that, in having experts review film footage of Coyote's usage, the experts cannot explain why the shoes did not propel him in the proper direction except that Plaintiff did not have adequate experience with the shoes before attempting to use them near rock formations.

Furthermore, Coyote once again made alterations to the product, affixing them to a boulder, in contravention of the clear warning on the brochure included with his purchase, to wit: WARNING! SEVERE RECOIL. THIS PRODUCT IS INTENDED FOR PERSONAL PROPULSION ONLY. ATTACH ACME SPRING-POWERED SHOES ONLY TO FEET, AS DESCRIBED IN THE OWNER'S MANUAL, PAGE 3, PARAGRAPH (a)(2). FAILURE TO FOLLOW OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS MAY RESULT IN SEVERE PERSONAL INJURY.

Any injuries Mr. Coyote sustained are as a result of his negligent failure to follow the warnings and instructions provided. In any event Coyote sustained no permanent injury therefrom.

And in the final analysis, ladies and gentleman, as you are all probably aware and will see in the films, the Coyote has failed to heed the most important warning in fine print at the bottom of every brochure packed with Acme Products: THIS PRODUCT IS NOT EFFECTIVE ON ROAD RUNNER!

What is the Coyote's chosen prey during all these alleged incidents? Yes. THE ROAD RUNNER. I rest my case ladies and gentlemen.

You must find for my client and bring back the only possible verdict in this case. A verdict for the ACME COMPANY.

Finally, I would respectfully ask the Court to dismiss Mr. Coyote's claim for punitive damages. Coyote claims that Acme Company has a "virtual monopoly of manufacture and sale of goods required by [his] work." This is no more than another case of wishful thinking on Mr. Coyote's part. Similar products are manufactured and sold through the mail by companies such as Apex Corporation, Zenith Manufacturing, and Perfect Predator Products, Inc. One can only assume that Mr. Coyote's loyalty to Acme Company is the result of his satisfaction with the quality of the products and service provided by Acme over the years. It is that same quality that has made Acme the largest retailer of predator related products in the US.

The occupation of predator is high risk profession, and a large percentage of such businesses fail each year. Mr. Coyote does not wish to be compensated for any alleged negligence of Acme Company. Instead, he seeks to be rewarded for his own negligence and ineptitude.

THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR, AND THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

One more

Just an FYI. Add one more death. There was a fatal attack on Cape Breton I. in 10/09. The only reason I remember it is because we were on that same trail a month earlier. Here's one link. Knowing that, I'd hike the same trail anytime. CBI is too downright gorgeous to avoid - and a great place to ride a bike.

Regardless, I say leave them alone. All the coyotes I've seen around here are very skittish when they see people. And if one gets agressive every once in awhile, we learn our lesson. If one becomes a constant problem, then you'll probably have to kill it, like bears have to be killed when they get too used to humans and the food around them.

What are you going to do, kill every animal that is a potential threat to humans? Jeez, it's the size of a mediumish dog. How about raccoons, they can be pretty nasty, too.

Remove the food sources, and they'll go away.

Hey, I remembered that attack

Hey, I remembered that attack (and was going to post about it) because I was on - not the same trail, but one just across the highway, two months before the attack!

It should be noted that northeastern coyotes are significantly larger than their western ancestors, and wolf DNA has been found in them - apparently they interbred with Canadian wolves on their trek east. However, N. American wolves are also NOT known for attacking people, so this shouldn't lead to them being considered a greater threat - unless they learn to think of people as a source of food, as appeared to be the case with the Cape Breton coyote.

Unfortunately, in an urban area, I'm fairly certain there will always be some idiot who thinks it's a good idea to feed them, so I'm afraid we will see some conflicts in the future.

There was an article about a woman studying coyote packs in RI a while ago - maybe in the Globe Sunday magazine?? - and after talking about the problems caused by people feeding coyotes, the researcher said her favorite person for coyote interactions was an old farmer who'd shoot at them - but was a bad shot. So he taught them to stay away from areas of human habitation without actually messing up the pack structure, a combination which led to the most peaceful cohabitation.

Coyotes in the Arboretum?

I walk my dog at night in the Arboretum (especially when fireflies are out). I can deal with the possibility of werewolves. They only come out during full moons and so I stay home those nights (though I've wondered why my clothes are torn apart the day after a full moon....)

But since coyotes don't depend on the full moon I do try to be extra careful. Don't want Wyle E. eyeing my pooch as canine tartare.

I also would not want any of the folks who leave their leashes in their bedroom --instead of putting it on their dog--to loose their best friends to the ferocious fiendish fangs of feral coydogs or coyotes.

Stop being such a brat

MMMmmmm what is more important? A natural species or you satisfying your emotional short comings with a genetically bread pet? I have lived in the parkway/ arboretum area my entire life, I have seen over 100+ Coyotes and have never had any issues with them.

You suspect? I've had coyotes

You suspect? I've had coyotes come within 8-10 feet of me and my dog around dusk. Not late at night, not in complete darkness. I had to scoop up my dog and yell for them to leave. What if I didn't pick up my dog quickly and they attacked while it was leashed and I intervened? What if I was walking with a small child?

Meanwhile ...

I've lived with (at one time) small children and small pets near the Fells for nearly 15 years, and they never once made an aggressive move toward me, my children, or my pets, or my neighbors, or my neighbor's pets.

In fact, said children walk to school at dawn through the woods - and have startled a few coyotes in their passage just this winter. I was walking over to a recital during the last full moon and totally spooked one, who ran away from me and up the ridge.

Can't say the same for off-leash huskies, German shepherds, and other large and poorly trained dogs who have threatened and harassed myself, children, and neighbors on our own properties when they escape "voice control" on their leash-free walks.

Even said off-leash and poorly trained dogs are a vastly larger risk for your dog than coyotes, as they will not run when you yell at them and they may then attack you for challenging them.

This isn't about off-leash,

This isn't about off-leash, 'domesticated' animals (which by the way, I feel the same about).

The coyote numbers are just getting too high. In 1959, coyotes were in 3 towns. They're now everywhere. Is it people's fault? Yes - but this isn't about fault, it's about solving a problem. In 98 and 2005 a woman and a child was attacked by a rabid coyote. Most recently in 2011 a coyote attacked a toddler in Weymouth. A study last year, indicated that 9% of coyotes in the state were rabid. This number will increase their population increases.

It's great that you've had no bad experience with them, but that's not everyone's experience. I've had extremely close encounters with them here and on the Cape - as have most of my family and neighbors on the Cape. I've personally been fine, except mildly started.

What happens when it's not a 6'+ 200+ lb male and instead an elderly man or woman? A small child?

I'm not necessarily for killing them, but something needs to be done. There are people out there having bad experiences with them.

Care to

Run through the state number on dog attacks?

I guess my question is would this be a issue if it wasn't pumped up by ridiculous editorials like the above. Half the people scared to death today probably didn't give this issue one though before this morning.

Perspective matters. This really, really isn't a problem. I'm not sure if it's even in the nuisance category. And even then, there's very simple ways to fix the problem.

Instead we get some douche at the Globe running a knowingly irrational editorial to whip up emotion and page clicks. YOU COULD DIE AFTER ALL!!!!! wargabrbleee!

Seriously. There's more important shit going on. Beam deserves a kick in the balls, since that's about the level of integrity he's pushing to his audience.

Not a univariate ecosystem

So, lets say, you kill all the coyotes.

Okay.

Now there's all that food they were eating - human provided and wild. For a while, the rats and mice and possums and racoons may go back to eating cat food and garbage ... but do you think for a moment something else isn't going to want to exploit that food supply? Like, Mr. Fisher:
IMAGE(http://www.kersteins.com/blogdepuree/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/fishercat_07312007.jpg)
IMAGE(http://www.mass.gov/dfwele/dfw/wildlife/living/images/fisher_rocks.jpg)

You do realize that much nice food won't go unnoticed by Mrs. Black Bear, either? Black bears are increasing their range yearly, for the same reasons coyotes have comeback: populated areas provide food opportunities, and now regrown wooded areas provide shelter and forage.
IMAGE(http://www.mass.gov/dfwele/dfw/wildlife/facts/mammals/bear/images/bear_left.jpg).

I know which one I prefer in my back yard.
IMAGE(http://www.mass.gov/dfwele/dfw/wildlife/living/images/coyote1.jpg)

Would you mind elaborating on

Would you mind elaborating on what your close encounters entailed? My occasional run ins with coyotes has resulted with them being more startled than me, but frankly that may have been not-typical. Even when I was with my friends small, coyote-snack-size dachshund, the coyote ran away. This was in Dorchester, by the way. Tons of coyotes, turkeys, and woodchucks in Dot. Adds to the neighborhood diversity.

Roadkill

Wife drove by there this morning, seemed to her that there was a large Roadkill that looked like a coyote. She would have investigated further, but the kid was in the back seat.

Coyotes and cat-eating owls in Newton

A coyote is believed to have killed a young beagle in our neighborhood in Auburndale in the past few weeks. No one around here is calling for them to be executed, though ... the sentiment is keep your pets in at night, don't leave pet food outside, and, in an additional email warning that was circulated around a few days ago, "owls will eat cats."

I am calling for it

I live in Newton Highlands and I call for them to be killed. Executed. Murdered. Obliterated. If I want to watch coyotes, I have TV for this. Our dear pet died because of them and it doesn't take a genius to see the problem is getting worse.

Following the Script

Coyotes appear in or near inhabited area.

Old man makes a big show of "need to get gun and go shoot them! Imma gonna go an git mah gun and go shoot dem! Why won't they just let me git mah gun an go shoot 'em 'cause I'm baaaaaad!", and enjoys the temporary rise in testosterone levels.

Yawn. Perhaps we should send some teen saggers to dance on his lawn, and run away when he yells something incomprehensible about a shot gun and he'll burn some column inches in the retelling - and leave the poor 'yotes alone.

As RHCP 1:1 says: True men don't kill coyotes.

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