To the creep who got off the Orange Line at Stony Brook the other night

Before he left the train, hipster dude went up to a woman and told her to lose weight. Alison, who saw the victim burst into tears after vaguely Macklemorish dude swaggered off, pens an angry Missed Connection that you shouldn't read if you're prone to vapors:

I asked her what you said---and in between sobs she goes, "he said 'Have some respect for yourself and lose some weight'".

Oh shit, you said that to a complete fucking stranger, an innocent person trying to read a book on her ride home!!! Yeah dog, you sure did, and then you turned heel and walked off like the miserable coward you are.

You publicly humiliated another human and made her cry. How truly fucking horrifying of you. She was totally stunned, and devastated. . .is that what you wanted to see happen? Are you that much of a nightmare that you are PLEASED by making people cry? Total strangers even? I don't think I can fully express to you what an absolute skidmark you are, but here goes:

Jezebel has a copy in case the original goes away.

Via Steve Annear.

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Comments

You know what?

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All the times that I've had such idiotic fat hate directed at me (and I am an extremely average size 12 woman), it is because some jerk WANTS an extra seat for his balls and, somehow, by sitting in a SINGLE seat ... I am the one who is "fat".

This has happened MORE than ONCE.

So ... stuff it. Just cram it.

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Rudeness knows no gender.

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Rudeness knows no gender. Plenty of people take up extra seats they don't need -- putting their feet up, etc.

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Seriously. What is going on.

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Seriously. What is going on. The past few months I've noticed everybody just hating on everything. Is it the long winter? Is it some sort of moon phase? Is it the economy or all the political BS? Comment threads are getting worse and worse. I feel it in my bones. Even I've been feeling like a jerk lately, though I highly doubt I'd stoop as low as this. But I am sure some jerk will come in here soon enough and set me straight with a reply to this telling me how it's all Obama's fault or I'm not enough of a townie or something like that.

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Vitamin D

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its low vitamin D levels. Look it up. We've had such a crappy winter and people have been in doors and in sun light.

I had my checked in january. It was so low that the doctor put me on a script immediately. Guess what? 2 months later I am no longer a crap and a total a$$hole to deal with now.

Its very common for extreme low vitamin D3 levels to effect mood. It's also very common for these levels to be very low in northern states (where winter time sunlight is fairly limited)

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/reading-between-the-headlines/201307...

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OK, I'll be the one to tell you....

Guess what? 2 months later I am no longer a crap and a total a$$hole to deal with now.

Sorry, but you really are still a total a$$hole.
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OK, it's a joke, it was just hanging there and someone had to say it.
Have a great day.

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I guess you are correct.

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You would be correct.. since I was a total asshole a few months ago on here ;)

(yes i wrote that comment.. )

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It's spreading like a virus...

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I see and feeel it too, everyday. It seems that people in our society are becoming less and less capable of controlling their emotions and handling themselves in a civilized manner. There is no way to have a disagreement that doesn't devolve into a screaming match, or possibly even violence, anymore. Case in point: last month I was walking to work and slipped and fell on an uncleared sidewalk on Bunker Hill St. I should have been able to knock on the door and have a level headed conversation with the repsonsible party. Unfortunately, nowadays, I have to presume that I'll be met with a hot headed mouth foamer who will act like it's a declaration of war. We live in sad times, indeed.

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I hope

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hipster dude is absolutely perfect and unblemished himself. He must have extremely low self-esteem to cause him to act like that.

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I would think a ridiculously

I would think a ridiculously unbridled, overdeveloped, high sense of one's self esteem would lead to those comments more than low self esteem. Or did I miss something?

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No Way

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When you are happy with yourself and not insecure, you don't need to take others down a notch. People often claim that it's women who are so horrible to each other, but I have frequently witnessed young men who feel the need to put women in their place, especially overweight women who have the gall to seem like they are happy with themselves.

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No. Low self esteem makes u

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No. Low self esteem makes u judge. If u felt good looking and successful would u say what he did? Nope

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"a wacker version of Macklemore"

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As a daily user of Stony Brook, I can say that if the 'feminist vigilantes" do a thorough job, they are going to be reminding a lot of 30ish white guys who look like a wacker version of Macklemore of their insignificance over the next few days... Fortunately this 30ish white guy is balding.

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I don't know what's worse the

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I don't know what's worse the manner-less douchebag or the drama queen begging for attention on the internet over some other person's awful experience.

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Thanks!

I was wondering how long it would take someone to insult the person who stood up for that woman. Thanks for coming through in record time.

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standing up by encouraging vigilantism?

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She gives a vague description - 30 year old white male "hipster" and repeatedly (in the post and on twitter) advocates vigilantism. That's inciting violence against a particular group. And no, the fact that the "group" are white men doesn't make it excusable.

An internet rant is not "standing up" for someone, nor is encouraging vigilantism "standing up" for someone. And when you tweet your "missed connection" post to Jezebel, to promote it, you are most certainly seeking attention.

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They didn't stand up for the

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They didn't stand up for the woman. They wrote an attention whoring post which will never be read by the perp or the victim.

Standing up for the woman would have been chasing the douche down and giving him tongue lashing.

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Standing up for the woman

Standing up for the woman would have been chasing the douche down and giving him tongue lashing.

Like you would have done, I'm sure, if you had witnessed it.

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Don't Smear Macklemore

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The guy is totally NOT like that.

See all those Grammy photos? He's hanging close with his pal Mary, who is gorgeous!

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"Look out for a"

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"white dude, around age 30, who looks like a wacker version of Macklemore"

This is to Cambridge as this guy is to South Boston. He knows every local custom; he'll blend in; disappear; you'll never see him again.

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Apropos of nothing, can I

Apropos of nothing, can I just say how frustrating it can be to be ahead of the curve?

When I lived in Somerville and Cambridge, wore lots of flannel and didn't shave, I was just a slob. Now I could be a hipster but I've got too much grey in my beard.

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To your advantage

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There must be some way you can leverage your curve experience. Said in Grandpa Simpson's voice: "I was one of the earliest hipsters. They didn't call us hipsters back then. We did have artisan pickles, though. Whatever artisan means."

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Yeah

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Because I have to live in JP to know how much it costs.

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I enjoyed. . .

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the Indiana Jones reference, though.

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Ehhhh....

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Sad that some loser had nothing better to do than insult a stranger on the T. Also said that said stranger didn't have thick enough skin not to cry or be devastated about it. Sorry, but this is life and you can't let every asshole you encounter make you cry. If you cry, let it be something personal, not from some asswipe on the train.

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With luck

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the woman on the train will eat less and exercise more. Could have been a wake-up call.

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with any luck

You will learn to mind your own business and keep your generalized hatred of women to yourself.

I find it amazing, absent a picture, absent any medical evaluation of the woman who was abused by Mr. Tiny, that you assume that the woman had any sort of medically-relevant weight issue at all.

Unless you are a 30-something white male hipster coward on the Orange Line ...

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Obesity is a problem in America

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This is true of men as well, so I don't know why you have to make everything into a woman issue.

If this happened at all (could have been a stunt to seek attention), I am presuming that the woman was fat. If the woman was in shape, I doubt she would have broken down crying. Only the truth hurts.

The problem is that people live in their own bubble and can't even look in a mirror.

Self-knowledge is on the road to self-improvement. Sometimes that knowledge comes from others.

The solution for her is simple: eat less, exercise more. That is a win/win situation. She is healthier and happier.

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Once again, slowly

You do not know this woman, and I am assuming that you did not see this exchange. You are not her doctor. You are not qualified to diagnose anything here.

Even if she is obese, that is a matter for her and her medical caretakers. It is not Mr. Rude's business. It is not your business.

As for "making everything into a woman issue", I'm not the one issuing "ratings" of women, nor have I made statements about "booty call gone bad" in order to minimize an assault, nor have I declared half the local population to be ugly as if my opinion mattered.

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It would not be my style

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to be giving advice to strangers on the T. But maybe this guy is a doctor and is on a mission to get people to slim down for their health. Maybe he was aesthetically offended.

Once you go out in public, your appearance is fair game for public comment, because everyone has to look at you.

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Against medical ethics

I know. I work with them and I am a professional epidemiologist.

A doctor on such a "mission" could find themselves without a license. That's because professional practice demands that a medical professional examine a patient under proper medical circumstances, run the proper tests, etc. to evaluate a patient's risk. There is also strong debate as to whether obesity is, in and of itself, a marker of risk when lipid profiles, blood pressure, c-reactive protein, blood sugar and other indicators are far more prognostic of medical hazard than a poor statistical predictor or adiposity.

And, no, nobody's appearance is fair game for comment. People - and that includes women - are not there for you to look at, judge, evaluate. Period. Grow the fuck up and mind your own business.

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being fat sucks for many reasons

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having been 50 pounds overweight myself, I can tell you it's better to be in shape. You get tired easily, out of breath during any physical exertion. You look like crap.

I was unaware there is "strong debate" about obesity being risky. You better tell the National Institute for Health, epi. They have not got the message about this strong debate. Their website lists many problems related to being fat.

http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/health-topics/topics/obe/risks.html

"Strong debate?" Sounds like a rationalization to me.

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Strong debate over whether it is obesity

Or the other disease processes that are associated with obesity AND have very clear diagnostic markers which are ascertained at a very low cost and are much better predictors of disease than obesity - much better predictors in THIN people as well as heavy people.

In other words, you simply cannot tell what a person's medical risks are by just looking at them - it requires a full evaluation.

It is also unclear whether obesity is a cause or an effect. These are important considerations, particularly when evaluating population risk as there are multiple correlations between individual conditions and societal environments (and other risk factors such as air pollution).

Obesity researchers also tend to overinterpret their results relative to what the biostatisticians in the review panels that I run would accept. While those who get a lot of money to promote anti-obesity initiatives will emphasize the disease correlations, those of us who actually have to deal with data know the weaknesses and limitations of those correlations. I have seen grants for studying environmental factors in heart disease rejected because they use BMI as a control for morbidity rather than blood pressure, lipid profile, etc. BMI is a very crude indicator of risk.

There is the added issue that BMI is great for populations, but poorly predictive of individual fat percentage levels in individuals (variation in BMI only explains about 25% of the variation in actual fatness - in most epidemiological investigation, this would be considered to be uncorrelated). That's why one needs to do a formal evaluation.

At age 47, I can pick up a sixty pound kayak, lift it overhead, and portage it a quarter mile. That kind of brawn comes with lean mass, but it means that even at the peak of fitness (as in when I was a rower and had 12% body fat) I will register as statistically overweight. I also have very low LDL, and very high HDL (genetic) - but you wouldn't know that by looking at me or my weight. That is why looking at someone or even calculating their BMI is a poor way to diagnose anything.

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Saved for posterity

Says deselby:

Once you go out in public, your appearance is fair game for public comment, because everyone has to look at you.

I don't really have a meaningful comment on this, just saving it for posterity.

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Oh, really?

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Anytime you want to post a picture of your Adonis like physique, I'd be interested in seeing it.

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I could lose 10 pounds, sure

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and I will, because I have self-discipline and the willingness to exercise.

I once got fat myself, worked at it and took off 40 pounds. If someone had called me a fat bastard at my peak weight, I'd have had to ruefully agree.

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A bizarre stereotype

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The stereotype I learned about Bostonians is that there is not found anywhere else (with the possible exception of Paris) a larger number of people who are horrid in their conduct toward strangers. Snobby and snotty, self-important, free with criticism, condemnation and all sorts of gross conduct - and yet still not violate laws. I learned that is far from the truth. Yet I also discovered that there are still plenty of people who mistreat strangers with just crude and gross behaviors - but again, still staying inside the law (except for driving).

I wonder why? Weather? Doubtul, Chicago has worse extremes. Economy? Boston has a strong economy today and from what I've read has always had a pretty good economy. Too expensive? San Francisco is expensive but I think overall friendlier. The only things I see that make Boston especially different from other cities in general are its mix of town versus gown and its history of Brahmin versus everybody else. I also wonder whether the willingness to not censor one's mouth also derives from the dark side of social rules that emphasize a profit and material wealth as societal organizers over an honor-shame code that controls our behavior. Nasty buttheads but I've encountered varieties of douchebaggery in churches, academia (Harvard apparently has some seriously self-important teachers) and various workplaces at too frequent a rate. I sometimes wonder whether there is just a greater willingness to tolerate conduct that not serious enough to reach a level of law breaking but should not be tolerated anyway.

Or maybe it really does come down to not enough Vitamin D?

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Northern cities where everyone is in a rush.

New York is almost ways voted the rudest city in America, with Boston, DC, and Philly not too close behind. People are direct here, and in general I think people who live in cities depend on each other to be organized and efficient enough to go with the flow. I've always seen this more in New York, where people seem to be "impatient" rather than rude, and I think you see it in Boston on a slightly smaller scale.

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On the positive side...

I am amused to no end how people react when I say "hello" to them on the street. Totally flummoxed! Something I have not encountered anywhere else. New Yorkers are positively gracious to strangers by comparison. And, no, I would never want to live in NYC over Boston.

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Ditto

We have met pretty uniform friendliness during our various visits to New York.

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so there were at least 2

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so there were at least 2 nasty and judgemental people on the orange line today......

there was plenty to criticize about his actions without making fun of how he looked and how he dresses.

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When she got on the train...

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The fat woman told the hipster dude to go buy an original thought.

No? She didn't? We just assume he said what he said without provocation? We assume Alison saw their entire day together before that encounter? How do we know she can dish it out but can't take it?

Maybe the guy is a giant douchenozzle, but it's not like we have enough proof of anything.

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Ok, does anybody else think

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Ok, does anybody else think this whole thing might be a big internet hoax to try and ruffle people's feathers on the internets, kinda like that guy who Tweeted that whole saga about the woman on the plane who was rude and freaking out over the holidays? I mean, who even reads, let alone posts, on Craigslist Rants & Raves in 2014? I call BS on the Great Stony Brook Mackle-Douche incident of 2014. Somebody was bored at work. :/

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Insulting hipster

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Do any of the commenters realize this incident is made up, never happened? for whatever reason it's a plug for Jezebel.

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Nice try

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And how do you know it didn't happen?

She wrote it first, then Jezebel picked it up.