Throwing a fit hissy

More as a joke than anything else, David Pye set up Roachbrooch.com, to post faux photos of celebrities wearing bejeweled Giant Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches as ornaments. But then came the infamous "America's Top Model" episode, in which contestants actually had to wear them (one even gave hers a tender peck on the um, whatever it is giant hissing roaches have). To capitalize, he set up an affiliate deal with somebody who actually sells these things. Alas, the Web testing went awry and the guy sent David a box with a live Giant Madagascar Hissing Cockroach in it. And he doesn't know what to do with the thing:

So what do I do with Hissy? Send him back (he will probably die if I do that). Put him on Craig's list and look for some tartantula obsessed Dungeons and Dragons geek to give him a new home? Start wearing him to Tiernans? Your suggestions are appreciated. Hissy needs a piece of banana and a moist cottonball STAT.