Chanukah: The rest of the story

DSG is slowly unraveling the history of the holiday. For example, not all the Maccabees were heroic swordsman kicking Greco-Syrian butt:

... There were the nerds, like Harold The Bookworm Would It Hurt You To Go Outside Once In A While You're So Pasty Maccabee, the wimpy, downright cowardly relatives like Merton Afraid Of His Own Shadow It’s So Mortifying If Only Your Grandfather Were Alive To See This Maccabee , and completely apathetic relatives like Sid the Shiftless No Goodnik Who Didn’t Even Finish Law School, Can You Believe Maccabee. ...