Citizen complaint of the day: Why don't we name our potholes?

I am fully aware that the more coverage these individuals get, the more people realize that gimmicks = attention = the city fixing the problem faster.

Like credential inflation, soon each issue sent to a city agency will now have as full a resume and anthropomorphized backstory as the average Harvard freshman. We will have potholes that aspire to go all the way to China one day and bits of grafitti with daddy issues; broken tree branches who will never fulfill their Christmas destiny and devastated roadkill whose was just trying to cross the road to provide for their four starving and now orphaned babies; burned out streetlights who never felt appreciated and decided to end it all and rotting park benches suffering from low self-esteem due to body dysmorphia.

Meanwhile, some uncreative person sits and quietly steams as their neighborhood trashcan overflows with a week's worth of Dunkin cold cups, because they couldn't come up with a good enough story about the plight of said trashcan to convince the city to empty it more regularly.