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Citizen complaint of the day: People need to stop playing Clue with raccoons

An unamused citizen reports on the grisly scene on Guild Street in Roxbury:

Raccoon corpse in road. Evidence suggests victim died as result of blunt trauma via bludgeoning with board. Please send medical examiner, photog, latent prints, crime lab team, and person with a shovel.

Complete with a photo of said deceased boarded animal.

City marks case closed, says carcass was picked up. No word on Professor Plum's whereabouts.

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Comments

He can investigate this at length and add it to the latest Boston (Raccoon) Strangler update we needed to know about.

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Col. Mustard with the candlestick.

That's my theory.

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Are we sure it's not just napping in the shade?

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Done correctly, waterboarding isn't as likely to be lethal while still convincing the raccoon not to knock over trash barrels and scatter the contents.

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