Severed penis on Hancock Street
By adamg on Thu, 03/31/2022 - 1:19pm
Boston Police responded to a report of some "male anatomy" on Hancock Street in Dorchester's Uphams Corner around 7:20 a.m. yesterday to find a severed penis, which may have been sitting there for several hours.
They followed the blood trail to a nearby address where they found a bleeding man who, in addition to removing his penis, had also stabbed himself several times. EMS took him to a local hospital for care. Police declined to comment on the incident, because it involved an "emotionally disturbed person," not a crime.
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Just to get it out of the way
On what street now?
Sir, I bow to you. The Internet is yours today
I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
and my penis was missing again.
Stored at today's outside air
Stored at today's outside air temperature for several hours means that wiener has spoiled.
I'll accept it
For potential reattachment, this comment about temperatures is completely relevant.
This is awful and frightening to read. What's maybe more frightening is my sick mind immediately went to the "Detachable Penis" song. Just Google it if your mind is not as warped as mine.
He wanted 22 bucks but I
He wanted 22 bucks but I talked him down to 17
I need to download that
I haven’t heard that song in AGES!
Here ya go...
Here's a YouTube video of that very song.
You'd have to be in a VERY bad place to do that. I simply could never imagine doing THAT to myself.
Doing it wrong
That is not how you play ding dong ditch.
did you ever expect to post a headline like this?
You must be new around here
I was there!
I see this post is from before my uHub days, but I not only saw that, but stopped to grab a photo. Glad to see that it was a top story.
When it comes to news
Adam follows up on all the tips!
Torso-less head in topless bar?
Now THERE'S a "headline".
Speaking of a head....
A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and
informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs.
The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as
well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes
him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him. Dad
orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the
bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head
in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A
torso pops out!
The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father,
shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another
drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop!
Two arms pops out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and
wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another
drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is
getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his
drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The
bar is in chaos.
The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God.
The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left.... then
to the right.... right through the front door, into the street, where
a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.
The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief.
The bartender sighs and says, "That boy should have quit while
he was a head."
At least he didn't make it
At least he didn't make it rhyme
Police follow blood trail around block only to discover a disembodied..
This seems as good an opportunity as any to remind you that one of the guidelines for sex-positive health education is to always refer to human external genitalia using the name of a dog breed. So one would properly say, "Severed Weimaraner found on Hanpug St." or, alternatively, "Severed Mastiff found on Hanpoodle St."
Oh god what have you started?
(And why am I getting this feeling my household members are going to be really mad at you by this evening?)
You know I’ve always loved you
You know I’ve always loved you, and the fact that I have brought a laugh to you and your loved ones, even if it’s a derisive snort, brings joy to my heart.
Spongebob you're one of my fave UHubbers too.
Who could forget
Adam, if only you had freetagged each of these as "penis"...
He has some competition today though...
And then there's all this Congressional cocaine orgy business this week...
Was it an anonymous tip?
(can't take credit for this one, but it belongs on this page)
We have someone on the case
This is horrifying
It's also horrifying to see how many think it's funny.
Fuck anyone who makes a joke out of human misery.
To each his own.
But I personally couldn’t make it through life without a little gallows humor.
For me, gallows humor means cracking jokes when you are standing at the gallows with a rope around your neck, not standing in the crowd, pointing and laughing at the guy with the rope around his.
Well put. I will remember that.
Mixed on this
On the one hand: A little gallows humor is healthy, sort of a "you have to laugh because otherwise you'd cry".
On the other hand: It's different in a public space, where this person or a friend or family member might see the jokes. This isn't someone's living room where the social contexts stay divided.
On the third hand: None of the comments I've seen have been mocking this person -- just jokes about the situation of finding a severed penis on the ground.
The odds aren't as long as you think. Thanks to one of Boston's own Declaration of Independence signatories there are five Hancock streets, stairs, and squares.
All named after John Hancock?
And how many streets, stairs, and squares are named after John Thomas?
Also two buildings called that, though both are no longer officially called that.
One is a big skyscraper, and some people's thoughts on those is that, well...
Haunted by spectre of pecker
Haunted by spectre of pecker found in front of three-decker...