If FEMA had been around on April 19, 1775

Jay writes some alternative history:

... Menotomy Minutemen! Where do you think you're going? Who authorized you to defend that village against Redcoats? It's not even on the map. It says here "Arlington." You haven't even filled out a Sparsely Populated Urban Warfare AQ-207-1 form!!! Get back to the stonewall!