French Toast Alert Level, Coronavirus Edition: Severe.
How to help - we're building a guide to ways you can help your neighbors (or seek help yourself).
OK, gang, doesn't look like we're going to get any more snow (not that we got all that much to begin with), so we're shifting to coronavirus instead, specifically how hard it is to get essentials like hand sanitizer, bleach, rice and, of course, toilet paper. We'll work out a new name for slices (since the emphasis now isn't on buying enough perishables to make French toast, but to buy canned and bagged stuff that can last awhile), but in the meantime we're starting out at Code Red, yes, 5 Slices / Severe: Hand sanitizer is, of course, near impossible to find and there have been runs on toilet paper, as pretty much everything in the area shuts down. Definitely time to hunker down.
Complete coronavirus coverage.
The French Toast Alert System has been developed in consultation with local and federal emergency officials to help you determine when to panic and rush to the store to buy milk, eggs and bread.
1 Slice / Low: No storm predicted. Harvey Leonard sighs and looks dour on the evening news. Go about your daily business but consider buying second refrigerator for basement, diesel generator. Good time to replenish stocks of maple syrup, cinnamon.
2 Slices / Guarded: Light snow predicted. Subtle grin appears on Harvey Leonard's face. Check car fuel gauge, memorize quickest route to emergency supermarket should conditions change.
3 Slices / Elevated: Moderate, plowable snow predicted. Harvey Leonard openly smiles during report. Empty your trunk to make room for milk, eggs and bread. Clear space in refrigerator and head to store for an extra gallon of milk, a spare dozen eggs and a new loaf of bread.
4 Slices / High: Heavy snow predicted. Harvey Leonard breaks into huge grin, can't keep his hands off the weather map. Proceed at speed limit before snow starts to nearest supermarket to pick up two gallons of milk, a couple dozen eggs and two loaves of bread - per person in household.
5 Slices / Severe: Nor'easter predicted. This is it, people, THE BIG ONE. Harvey Leonard makes repeated references to the Blizzard of '78. RUSH to emergency supermarket NOW for multiple gallons of milk, cartons of eggs and loaves of bread. IGNORE cries of little old lady you've just trampled in mad rush to get last gallon of milk. Place pets in basement for use as emergency food supply if needed.
Busy person? Follow the French Toast Alert System on Twitter or on Facebook; stay up to the moment with the proper panic level.
Busy developer type person? Use the French Toast Alert data set to build those state-of-the-art iPhone apps.
Put the French Toast Alert System on your site! Copy and paste the following where you want the alert to show up. It's 124 pixels wide by 126 pixels high:
Become the alert: Buy an official French Toast Alert T-shirt and run around updating your neighbors:
Toastaphon: Toast image derived from this French Toast sammich photo by Bunchofpants.